Crawling Through Life

Teaching...

2012-02-10T19:06:00.001-07:00

I'm going to be a teacher. I had no idea what this endeavor would entail when I began my graduate degree. Seriously, don't you think "Oh you take some information and teach it." Nope not quite. Here are just a few things that you are supposed to always remember.
1. Everybody can learn.
2. Don't make kids dumber.
3. Every student learns differently.
4. Find out each students back ground knowledge.
5. Keep in mind their learning styles.
6. Teach to the required core.
7. Be creative.
8. Get students to be active in their learning.
9. Be assessing their learning.
10. Make them feel safe.
11. Find out their reading levels.
12. Don't just give tests and quizzes.
13. Make new information applicable to the student.
14. Be firm in your rules.
15. Make sure they know you care about them.
16. Don't step on any toes within the school administration the first 3 years of teaching.
17. Join a teachers union or not to join a teachers union?
18. What committee will you be apart of?
19. Get the parents involved.
20. Accommodate all levels of learners in each lesson.
21. Find ways to hold kids accountable.
22. Make group work effective.
23. Help make students into productive people in society.(Really that's the whole point of public education. Does it happen?... Not so much.)
24.
25.

Seriously though I could keep going. Needless to say, I really am starting to think that I've chosen probably the hardest profession out there. If only I didn't love it so much. (Sigh)

Words for thought...

2012-02-09T21:13:00.002-07:00

For class this evening I went to hear a guest lecturer on the topic of 'critical race theory.' I have never heard much on this topic so I was interested. Instead of taking you through the majority of the lecture I'll share with you the question that he posed to us.

Imagine that aliens made contact with the united states. They came down and told the united states government that they,(the aliens) would solve all the problems the United States is facing today if in exchange they would give them, (the aliens) all the black Americans. Would you say yes?

In 1994 HBO created a 3 part mini series called 'Cosmic Slop.' This is the first of the three parts called "Space Traders." So this short film highlights this issue. Before agreeing, the U.S. Government asks to see proof from the aliens. The aliens in turn change the statue of liberty into pure gold, not to be pretty but to provide money. They then get all the pollution out of the lakes. It's all very cheesy with the special effects but you get the point.

So what do you think they decided to do? They put it to a vote whether or not they should agree to this. Everyone in the country was supposed to call one of two numbers. One for yes, and another for no. The vote was a landslide "yes." The short film ends with the black Americans being tractor-beamed up into space ships.

Crazy right? Well, what if we really did have to make that decision. Many would say or hope to think that they would not agree to it and think of humanity first. But sadly, seeing the world as it is today I have a hard time believing that this piece of fiction would not become a piece of non-fiction.

But then I thought. So what if Americans did agree to this? Sure the aliens would deliver on their word, but I imagine that the clean water would get dirty quite quickly. And that debt that would be paid would probably accumulate after too long.

I don't know where superiority started. It's been around throughout the history of this planet. But it sure does produce some pretty sad and disgusting results.

p.s. Sorry. Not a fun post like last time. But I'm realizing very quickly that being a good history teacher is going to be really hard.

The Secret to Falling in Love

2012-02-03T19:07:00.001-07:00

I've found it. The secret to love. It's been staring me in the face my whole life. For centuries it's been proven to develop lasting and enduring feelings of true love. No other method has been proven as effective. But I'll have you know that I'm convinced this is what's wrong with the world today, we've taken out the one thing that guarantees true love as a result.

Dancing.

Tell me I'm wrong!

(Wow. This is very fitting for Valentines Day! I didn't even plan that!)

Mitt Romney's Tithing... Really?

2012-01-25T22:47:00.001-07:00

This article was on the Deseret News online and it discussed how now that Mitt Romney has filled his taxes they are public record and we get to see how much he actually paid in tithing and blah blah blah. * (I'm not a political person. I follow it more now because I'll become a state employee soon, however me and politics, well they just aren't my favorite thing. I neither support nor reject Mitt Romney as a presidential candidate. This post has nothing to do with his campaign.) Okay. So in the article in the Deseret News this post was mentioned from a gentlemen who writes for Forbes. He writes, and I quote,
               "Now, depending on how you look at Romney’s tithing, this can create some policy
               implications (or faith policies) for the entire LDS church. I almost half-jokingly expect the next
               General Conference to address this issue. Romney, by releasing his tax forms may have
             reopened a debate within the church as to how much should be given – after all, he will become
              the LDS example that others will look to. It’s not just a presidency that he’ll represent, if his
               tithing isn’t up to par within the church – that could create some interesting complications within
               the church itself. If his finances aren’t in line with the church, what sort of political ideals will he be
               representing? And just because he is rich, or just because he becomes the President, it wouldn’t
               preclude him from tithing." - Kia Petanien.

Okay, so how is this going to create a faith policy for me? Why would the amount Mit Romney pays in tithing open a debate within the church of how much should be given? We know how much should be given. God has told us through a living prophet. Mit Romney is not the president of the LDS church. Thomas S. Monson is. And no, Mitt Romney will not become THE LDS example of what others will look to. My example is Christ. It's his(Christ's) church after all. I don't see how Mitt Romney's tithing would create complications within the church either. I could care less what he pays. It has no effect on my relationship with the Father and his Son than anyone else's tithe in this church. It doesn't matter what anyone else pays. It(tithing) like all other commandments are a way for us to show our love to our Father in heaven. So for me, a full tithe paying member in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I'm going to go right on paying my 10% tithe to my Father in Heaven. And Mitt Romney can go on paying his 10% or whatever he wants. I do not hold the responsibility to judge my fellowman. That's Christ's job.

Respect.

2012-01-21T12:52:00.001-07:00

Something was recently brought to my attention that I found very odd. I overheard someone who describes themselves as agnostic use Jesus Christ as an expletive. Now, before going further I want to make it clear that I fully respect an individuals rights to practise what they believe when it comes to religion. Really it makes no difference to me. But I found it odd, that someone who has no desire to participate in religion chooses to use one of the most iconic religious figures in the world as a part of their daily vocabulary. Especially using it in such derogatory ways. I then thought about the countless people who probably fall under the same category who are Atheist. I then wondered do how many use God's name in vain? The term 'Oh my God' is far to common today. I can't even stand it when people put OMG. It makes me sick. Back to my thought though, if someone who is Atheist says that phrase it's completely contradictory. It would be like me saying "Oh my Buddha." Right? Because He isn't their God. But He is mine. So just like I would never show such disrespect to another religions figure, I ask that those who do not believe in our Father and Savior show the same respect.

I want to be...

2012-01-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

I want to be...

I want to be a runner.
I want to be a cyclist.
I want to be a teacher.
I want to be a singer.
I want to be a sports reporter.
I want to be a sign language interpreter.
I want to be a lion tamer.
I want to be a dancer.
I want to be an actor.
I want to be a teacher in a foreign country.
I want to be a horse rider.
I want to be a mother.
I want to be on Broadway.
I want to be an example of our Savior.
I want to be an author.
I want to be a film editor.
I want to be a linguist.
I want to be in a movie musical.
I want to be a photographer.
I want to be a wife.
I want to be a soccer player.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be an activist for proper education.
I want to be a historian.
I want to be a film writer.
I want to be a skilled guitarist.
I want to be in a movie with Johnny Depp.
I want to be a adoption parent.
I want to be a wedding dress designer.
I want to be a mountain biker.
I want to be a snow boarder.
I want to be a drummer.
I want to be a rock climber.
I want to be a beach bum.
I want to be a dancer at the Polynesian Cultural Center.
I want to be a nutritionist.
I want to be a sympathetic individual.
I want to be an artist.
I want to be on the board of education.
I want to be on 'So You Think You Can Dance'.
I want to be a sports photographer.
I want to be a voice for a Disney character.
I want to be a positive force in the world.
I want to be a professor of religion.
I want to be a certified spin instructor.
I want to be a world traveler.
I want to be a goof ball.
I want to be a surfer chick.
I want to be an athlete.
I want to be an accepting person.
I want to be a health nut.
I want to be a motivational speaker.
I want to be a person to be trusted.
I want to be a jewelry designer.
I want to be a family historian.
I want to be a professional dark chocolate taster.
I want to be a hard worker.
I want to be a super hero. (Wonder Woman.)
I want to be a woman of virtue.

I want to be....

A bunch of sillynes really...

2012-01-07T09:41:00.001-07:00

I have many thoughts so off I go.
Where they'll go... Well I don't really know.
I don't seem to keep much to myself
It's like keeping a good game up on a shelf?
I find that some things don't make much sense
Sometimes it's easy to think you're the only one in existence,
Who has ever felt the way you feel
But with experience comes a weight that you know is real.
Just when things seem figured out
A fork in the road when stepped on, will produce a shout.
Life sure is fun when you choose to not fret,
To see things for what they are not what you want to get.
Remember the time things seemed all clear?
And then one day you stop and think "what am I doing here?"
Maybe if I took a bite of cookie like Alice I'd grow real big
And maybe then I'd be able to see what's up ahead.
Like a crazy cat whose smile never ceases
Or a group of wild meeses.
Speaking of moose, I saw one once.
I was with my friend T, and turned on a hunch.
Calmly I asked her not to freak out,
I think he(the moose) just wanted some water from our spout.
But once he knew he was spotted he was off
And I think too that's were I'll... end.

Have a good day!

Talk about FUN!

2012-01-07T07:46:00.002-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJT2RBkFhic

Why can't a day at work be like this for me?!

Oh... I don't work for Disney... I might need to rethink my current career goals.

A Christmas Worth Waiting For

2011-12-22T11:48:00.001-07:00

A Christmas Worth Waiting for....

As a child the days seem never ending,
as Christmas day draws near.
Waiting with the lights turned low
being certain you saw a rain deer.

Christmas morning, presents wrapped
time spent playing with new toys.
Feelings of anticipation ended.
This was Christmas joy.

Was it worth the waiting?
Hours of counting down.
Hoping and praying that on Christmas,
Santa would come to your town.

Others faced a different fate
on that first Christmas morn.
To lose their lives or remain true (1)
that a savior would be born.

Fear could not be present
for faith would need to overthrow,(2)
within the hearts of the believers
who did not deny what they know.

5 long years would pass in time
Amidst wars, threats, and confusion.
At last a day with no night, our Saviors birth!
And a new star in the sky was the conclusion. (3)

2 men waited upon at this Christmas time of year.
One brings gifts, but only if your nice.
The other, everlasting life.
What is worth waiting for on that Christmas eve night?

I hope you all a Merry Christmas. May the spirit of hope and peace that comes with the birth of our Savior to this earth be within yours and your families hearts this year.

Merry Christmas!

1. 3 Nephi 1:9
2. 3 Nephi 1:8
3. Helaman 14:2

What ya reading?

2011-12-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

Turns out I am sucker for good literature. My mother expresses shock seeing as a young girl I did not enjoy reading. But with age I have truly come to appreciate words and their ability to explain emotion.

Right now I am reading Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol." Have I ever fully read this book? No! But I tell you I have started reading it at least 5 times. I purposely start over because I love the first page. Dickens is funny!

"Old Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade. But the wisdom of our ancestors is int he simile; and my unhallowed hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail."

See! Funny! I really could re-read that paragraph a hundred times.

But now to share with you a paragraph that I just read today, from a scene that I do not recall depicted in any of the film versions of this work of literature.

The setting: Scrooge is still with the Ghost of Christmas Past. He has just seen the shadow of the girl he was in love with is leaving him. Oh! I have to share this part.
"Your own feeling tells you that you were not what you are," she returned. "I am. That which promised happiness when we were on in heart is fraught with misery now that we are two. How often and how keenly I have thought of this, I will not say. It is enough that I have thought of it, and can release you."

Beautiful.

The next scene is Scrooge witnessing a family, his past fiance now older with her children.
Scrooge's thoughts "And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lips, to have questioned her, that she might have opened them, to have looked upon the lashes of her downcast eyes, and never raised a blush, to have let loose waves of hair, an inch of which would be a keepsake beyond price; in short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have had the lightest license of a child, and yet to have been man enough to know it's value."

I found myself mourning for Scrooge. Something I never really have experienced with a film version.

I have realized something more about myself and why words effect me so much. I am someone who likes to understand things. If something does not make sense, well I figure it out. So when feelings come along, whether they be of joy or sadness or pain. I need to make sense of it all. That is where words come in. Especially written by someone else. It is like this feeling of relief knowing that someone else understands.

That would be Austen!

2011-12-01T21:37:00.001-07:00

So I'm sick. I have been now for a week. Today I decided to take a 'sick day.' Not from work or school, because I don't have either, but from life. I laid in bed all day long! The only reason I like being sick is because I do not feel guilty doing that. Lying in bed all day long. Anyway...
When I'm not feeling well I always watch the same movies. Ones I've seen and wouldn't mind falling asleep to. I think I've watched 'Pride and Prejudice' enough times I could convert the hours spent watching it into money and pay for my entire graduate degree. (That's a lot!) So as I'm watching it today I get to the part where Charlotte Lucas informs Elizabeth Bennet that she is marrying Mr. Collins. "I'm 27 years old. I have no money, no prospects. I'm already a burden to my parents." Then I remembered in Persuasion when Lady Russel is talking to Anne about how she is beautiful and will find someone Anne replies "I'm 27."
Now this makes a 27 year old girl think. But what do I think about? "Which type of Jane Austen romance would most likely happen for me?"
Mansfield Park: Not so much looking to fall in love with my cousin.
Emma: Long time friend 16 years older than me... I like the long time friend thing. And I've been there before that you don't really realize you care that way about your friend until one of your female friends likes him and jealousy sneaks in to reveal your true feelings. But still... not so much.
Northanger Abby: Never read it. Never seen a movie. So it's probably not good enough for me.
Sense and Sensibility: This one I could accept. Edward Farris and Elanor that is. Although finding out that the man I'm in love with has been secretly engaged for years would be a tough thing to get through. I love the mutual adoration that both characters have for one another. Close contender.
Pride and Prejudice: As much as I love this movie. I don't so much love the love story of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. I mean it works for them. But we're talking about me. I don't think it would work well for me to have a guy profess his love after not really showing it all that well. If a guy did that to me today, I probably wouldn't end up with him.
Persuasion: I think I will pick this one as my favorite. I do not really have a relationship that I can relate to Anne Elliot and Capt Wentworth, meaning I was not in love with anyone when I was 18 and would still want to marry them today. However, I love this story. Even though when they were reunited it was rocky and Anne felt no reason to hope. Once Wentworth finally gives in and confesses to her how he feels...(sigh) It's just awesome! Or should I say 'Austen!"
Turns out I'm a bit of a romantic...

Cannot Fail

2011-11-30T20:59:00.001-07:00

Think back on your education experience. How many times did you actually have an opportunity to really push yourself?
Through my entire general education experience and I can only think of one circumstance. My theatre class. No other subject do I feel that I left being better at it then when I went in. But in theatre I was given chances to push myself and develop. Which would explain why I thought that was all I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I did not think I was good at anything else.
Turns out, I'm good at a lot of things. However, it has taken me a long time to realize that I can be good academically.
A lot of that is due to the institution I am attending now for my graduate degree. I was talking to my best friend about the fact that I got A's in two of my classes that were half semester courses and how happy I was. I then told her of my realization I had about a month into my program.
When we first began they told us that we had to get B's to pass. I felt a little overwhelmed. I've worked my tail off in some of my college classes and just scraped by with a B so I was ready to work really hard.
After a month of a LOT of hard work in this program I realized there really was no way that I could get a B let alone not pass. Sure if I didn't do the work I wouldn't get the points. But why would I be there if I didn't want to do the work. And as long as I just stuck to what was expected of me and did my best well I'd end up passing just fine.
Is it hard? Yes! Am I being challenged? Very much so! But that's the cool part. I'm succeeding!
So I was telling my best friend, we'll call her Bill Nye, about this fact that I really can't fail. So although it sounds great that I'm doing so well, there is really no way I can't do well as long as I put in the time and effort. Bill Nye said, "Just like Heavenly Father."
I knew she was right but I asked her to expound on that thought. She said, "Well, He obviously wants us to succeed and make it back with Him. He does not want us to fail." This is so true.
We have a God that wants us to be successful. He provides us with all the tools necessary to do so and then it's up to us. But he sets it up so we wont fail. The only way we can is if we chose to. Just like my program. It's hard at times but I love this opportunity and time to prepare for my career. But it's my choice how serious I want to take it. It's my choice.
Our Father sent his only begotten son to save us all. All. In the end it's our choice whether or not we want to be saved.

Day and Age

2011-11-28T08:20:00.001-07:00

A snippet of a reoccurring conversation...

New acquaintance: "How old are you?"
Me: "27."
New acquaintance: "Wow! Really? You don't look that old!"
Me: "Thank you. I get that a lot."

But what I really think is. I'm not old! What am I supposed to look like?!

Thanks for Gratitude

2011-11-24T12:10:00.001-07:00

grate-ful: adj. thankful or appreciative for benefits or kindnesses
grat-i-tude: n. the state of appreciation and gratefulnessthank: v. express one's gratitude; to credit
thank-ful: adj. feeling or showing of gratitude
thanks: pl., n. expression of one's gratitude

Lately I've contemplated these words and what they really mean. What does it really mean to give thanks? How can I truly show my gratitude for something or to someone? I've felt that words are so trifling and cannot do my feelings justice.

Gratitude as defined above is a state of appreciation. A state that someone can be in, not simply a feeling. Then being thankful, or giving thanks is the result of the feelings that reside in us when we are in a state of gratitude.

I think that is what is most beautiful about the holidays. They become an outlet for us all to express our thanks and love towards one another. No wonder we all look forward to them with anticipation and joy. An inevitable result is a state of gratitude. When the holidays come around I always wish I was better at expressing my love and appreciation for those in my life on a more consistent basis.

As a christian and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it is not a new idea to give thanks for the blessings we have in our lives. Christ showed an example of this in The Lords Prayer and we too are encouraged to remember those blessings that abound in our lives.

To commemorate this day I found a beautiful talk given by the Prophet of our church, President Thomas S. Monson. It is entitled "The Divine Gift of Gratitude." I encourage all to read his words and feel of their truth. Also that we may apply his council. For "by their fruits you shall know them"(Matthew 7:15-20). Pres. Monson states,"My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven."

I am filled with gratitude. I am overwhelmed by the many blessings I have in my life.
A family that supports me.
A safe and comfortable place to live.
A job that is flexible so that I can focus on my education.
My education and the opportunities that lay ahead.
All the people in my life that have helped shape me.
My understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Freedom of religion.
Temples that help me stay centered on what matters most.
Institute and its ability to pull me away from the world.
Friends that let me ramble off on things they may not fully understand.
Friends that make me laugh. (I know it's not hard to do. But it's very much appreciated.)
My talents and hobbies, for giving me moments of peace and stress relief.
The scriptures and their ability to teach me and answer prayers.
Prayer and its ability to bind me more and more to my Father in Heaven.
A Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ and through him the ability to be better each day.
A loving, kind, generous, patient, merciful, Father in Heaven. With whom nothing seems impossible.

I hope to us all a Happy Thanksgiving. May the feeling of gratitude influence us always to share thanks.

Singled Out

2011-11-21T08:10:00.001-07:00

Alright all you non-single people out there, this is for you! I hope to develop for you my past weekend so that you'll feel as if you were right there with me. Soaking in all that is wonderful about being single! (insert sarcasm)

Friday night.
My night began with a birthday party for an old roommate. I got there early and visited with her before more guests showed up. Finally some mutual friends arrived which are really the only people you talk to at parties. Never do you meet anyone new. And if you do never do they continue to talk to you long enough to know if you want to be interested in getting to know them better. So you just stand around talking to the people you've known for years about the only things you know you have in common. In this instance, common acquaintances and sports.
I was standing talking to an old friend about ... well I don't remember. I saw a fairly attractive male walk in and say hi to my friend. We met eyes. I smiled. We both stayed in our groups that we knew and then I left. Magical right?

I then headed over to another birthday party. This one was a 'black light' theme. I went alone again and had friends there at the house. No one I'm really close with so I was often left alone as the people I was with ran off with someone else they knew.
I found myself in the basement of the house where the 'dancing' was going on. There was no dancing! Everyone was just standing around in a big circle awkwardly swaying from one foot to the next, staring around the circle at one another. AWKWARD! So, what do I do? With this group of about 15 twenty something year olds I just yell out, "Okay this is awkward and really lame. So what we're going to do is each person has to do something and we'll go around the circle and copy them. That way we're all doing the same thing and no longer staring at one another." There were yells of "Yeah! You start!" So I did. Then I tried to pass it to the guy next to me and he just stood there. Mortified. He said his mind went blank. I said "It doesn't matter what you do. It's better than us just standing around." He wouldn't budge. He just stood there like a deer in head lights. So a girl grabbed it. We kept it going for about 5 to 10 minutes. People were laughing. We seemed to have fun. Then people started getting hot and tired. They dispersed quickly. I think if it hadn't been dark more people would know really know that I was the crazy girl making everyone have a good time.
I didn't stay much longer after that.
I drove home and thought. I hate parties!

The next night I first headed out to a wedding of a friend. I went alone. Knowing I'd see someone there I knew. I parked my car and swung my left leg out of my car to hear a beautiful long tearing sound. Yup! Jeans ripped! Starting at my inseam and ran right along the left cheek. (no not my face) I think. Well that's just great! Luckily I was wearing a long coat. But I could feel some cool air and I was just hoping that it wasn't visible. So I carefully walk into the wedding and get in line. I didn't see anyone. So I realized I'd be standing alone with a huge rip in my pants. Apprehensive to move much, I slowly turn around and whom do I see but my friend Natalie! We both were so pleased to see one another. My joy was that now I had someone to tell me how visible my rip was. She reassured me that it was not visible.
After the wedding was a 'fondu party' my friends were throwing. Yes still with a tear in my pants. I show up and of course immediately tell my good friends that I had a rip the size of my hand along my butt! Two of which kept telling me to take off my coat. I didn't hear the end of it all night long. Pretty dang funny! What did this party consist of? Standing around and talking to people I knew. At one point I did talk to some new males. But we talked about how there were a ton of guys with beards at the party. So we started giving out awards for each beard... Needless to say that didn't go far with those guys. Later my friend and I plopped down on a couch for the rest of the night. Finally I was able to take off my coat! I left close to midnight, glad I saw my friends but again. We could have done that without a party.

One more night. Then I'm done.
Sunday night. Ward prayer. Why do we have ward prayer? Some have referred to it as ward stare. My experience, the same people go all the time. I go because I want to get to know the girls in the ward better. Plus when I try and talk to the guys... nothing. So I leave ward prayer with a friend and drag her along to a desert night hosted by another friend of mine. I was met by an old high school friend. The single world in this city is pretty small. Everyone knows someone. So I talked to him for awhile. Then I went to another friend from college. Then another friend. Finally after being there for an hour talking to no new people it was time to leave. I then see a guy that I happen to see every night this weekend. Someone I would go on a date with. But we've known each other for years. Has he ever asked me out? No.

So I ask you? What was the point of that all? 6 social events in 3 days. I think the idea is to meet people. But turns out I never do meet people. I just go to support my friends that are having the event because I care about them.

So do y'all miss being single?

(I'm really not annoyed with being single. I'm happy. I just hate the 'social single scene.' LAME!)

Miracles

2011-11-17T18:24:00.001-07:00

I believe in God. I believe he is a loving Father in heaven. I believe the scriptures to be inspired writings from those called of God to communicate to us. I believe in personal revelation from my loving Father in heaven. I believe he doesn't change. I believe in miracles.

Mormon 9:19-21
19 And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.

20 And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust.
21 Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.

3 Nephi 18:19-20
19 Therefore ye must always pray unto the Father in my name;

20 And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.

Matthew. 21:22 (21–22)

21 Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.
22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Mark 11:24

Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

Moroni. 7:26
And after that he came men also were saved by faith in his name; and by faith, they become the sons of God. And as surely as Christ liveth he spake these words unto our fathers, saying: Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you.

I emphasised the repeating phrases. The first principle is believing in Christ and having faith in Him. Then asking. Now, comes the hard part. Believing and not doubting that you will receive it. That you will receive it! It shall be done. That is marvelous in and of itself.

Now. I know sometimes that prayers are not answered. Ones that come from the deepest corners of our soul. But in spite of those moments I do know that prayers are answered. Prayers that involve those things that are important to us. We must be willing to accept the alternative. But sometimes, and I think more than often, the Lord wants to give us our righteous desires.

Lately I've had prayers answered. Prayers that I was inspired to utter. Prayers that seems so weird or silly or insignificant to ask for. Let me rephrase that. Insignificant to ask a God for. But I now know that nothing is too insignificant to ask a Father for.

We only see miracles based on our faith. So lately I've asked myself. Okay how is my faith lacking. Well, I doubt and fear things a lot. Only very specific things(sorry they are a bit personal). And doubt and fear are the opposite of faith and they cannot coexists. So then the moments I begin to doubt and fear I must just replace them with faith. Easy?... So far, no. I still get moments of past thoughts and feelings rushing back into my chest that cause me to no longer have confidence in the things I know I've been told by the Lord.

But here is something that has helped. These scriptures. And more specifically memorizing them so the moment that I feel those feelings coming upon me I throw at them a scripture. And miraculously I'm able to be calm.

I believe in a God of miracles. I believe he wants our righteous desires to come to pass for us possibly more than we do.

Anyway...

2011-11-16T20:26:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure how many times I begin a new post and then stop. Erase. And start again. I don't know why I do this. I have a lot of things on my mind and things I could share but... I get stopped by something. Prepare for an Alice in Wonderland(random) type blog post.

You know what I admire? People who have no reservations in letting others know who they are and what they stand for. Even if I do not agree with it. I just love it!

I hate how easily I slip into old negative habits that I, at some point have overcome. But that just makes me that much more grateful for my opportunity to go to church each Sunday and center myself with the Father and the Savior once again. I am in awe of their patience with me. But sure am grateful for it.

Today in class my professor told us how she hated rewarding middle school students with candy. She said "A ninth grader would sell their soul for a jolly rancher!" Ha! She then went on to say that she likes healthy food so she would reward the students with a rice cake if they did their homework. HA HA HA! I lost it! A rice cake! Seriously! So funny! What kind of motivation is that? Granted I like me a good rice cake. But I just found that so fun! The best part about it is the rice cakes worked!

Oh. Did I also mention that a few months ago I was awarded the 'most distinctive laugh' award from my professor? I was so proud! And yes this made me laugh again. I have gotten a lot of comments along the lines of 'well if you want to think you're funny just hang out with Camille.' Now just to clarify. I do not think everyone is funny. But I just like things that catch me off guard. So if you do that... DONE! You get me to laugh. But some people are better at it than others... I love people who make me laugh. And that can make fun of me in a funny way. Not easily done. But they sure knew how to do it back in the day with groups of people.
p.s. Make sure you make a joke/comment that relates to what we're talking about. Otherwise it just goes over my head and I look at you like you're crazy. This happened on Monday night with a young man that I think likes me. But seriously if he can't make me laugh... well. I just know it's not going to work out.

I also get a lot of comments from strangers thanking me for smiling. Don't people smile? Are people just unhappy and do not make the time to even give a grin?! Come now. We have time to 'give a grin.' (oh my gosh that is so dang cheesy but I'm keeping it!)

I just started reading "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis it states in the introduction...
".. our Need-Love...is the accurate refelction in consciousness of our actual nature. We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physcally, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves."
I am far from an expert on love. But I know this statement is true. And to quote a favorite song...
"I've heard you're really not somebody. Until somebody else loves you. Well I am waiting to make somebody, somebody, soon."

Okay I'll end there. I'm sure y'all didn't even make it through this whole thing. You've probably moved onto the next blog where there are cute pictures of someones new baby. Or a new craft that someone has come up with...

Music Memories

2011-11-11T13:27:00.001-07:00

There is real power in music. It has the power to calm a broken heart or cause the heart to race. I wonder where my infatuation with music came from or began. But I think it is nothing short of being a part of who I am. Yes, I grew up dancing. I learned at a young age to associate music with movement and feelings. But that doesn't change the fact that the moment I hear certain songs I'm mesmerized. I have to be quite, stop what I'm doing react.
So I have found some songs that will take you through sort of a quick timeline of my life. Not all are inspiring. But simply remind me of a time of life.

I have vivid memories of this musical and riding in my mom's minivan. I'd sit in the front seat and turn up my favorite songs. I was only 7 years old when I saw it live for the first time. However, by that time I had the whole show memorized. Except maybe 'master of the house' and 'lovely ladies' I think my mom skipped those songs for me. But the rest... To this day takes me back and I just can't help but belt this song out!

This reminds me of middle school. While this reminds me of high school. So many good memories of enjoying hours of these boys. Let's be honest... The boy band era was awesome!

I tried to think of college and songs that I listened to a lot but this song is all that came to mind. Granted I remember listening to it countless times as I commuted back and forth to the U. But then this one always brings back awesome memories with my Siggies! Insti stomp all the way!

Post college is when I started my long affair with this guy. Seriously everything he does I just love. I've seen him live and he's simply amazing. I love playing his songs too. He's just amazing.

Now for my mission. By being a full time missionary for the LDS church I had some restrictions on songs I could listen to. But this hymn was my saving grace most days. I cannot recall the countless times it kept me from distraction. I would constantly hum it to myself. Never singing it out loud unless my companion was in the shower. So it became the song of my soul for my mission. To this day I adore it's words and arrangement.

Now for today. I can't get enough of this song. Plus the artist. Something about her music just speaks to me. And that's what I realized about most of these songs and times of my life. They just speak to me.

Music is like another friend. Someone that can say what your feeling. Someone that you can relate with on so many levels. I simply love it. It's apart of me and who I am. I can't escape it calling to me. Which brings me to my dilemma... I'm looking to be spoken to again. I've been looking for new music for a few months now and everything comes up short. Luckily my favorite artists keep writing music. But I feel this strange void. I want so badly to find a good cd and just play it over and over and over again, until I have it memorized! (sigh) I'm open for suggestions!

That's all! I hope you had fun on this music scavenger hunt of sorts.

Dear World:

2011-11-03T17:04:00.000-06:00

Dear World:
You are messed up! But I do not have the time to tell you all the reasons why at this moment. So I'll get back to you.

Life

2011-10-22T09:54:00.001-06:00

In the mists of this stage called life we are faced with trials, tribulations, fears, distractions, questions, concerns, disappointments, misunderstandings, anger, pain, hurt, despair, loneliness...
Moments come that bring questions if what we are facing is worth it. If what we are experiencing is truly for our good. We cannot see the end from where we stand. We cannot see that which we have been promised. So we are faced with a choice. Do we continue in faith and believe in that which we want, hope, desire, long to be true?
OR do we not?
Every day we are faced with opportunities to live in faith. To live according to what we KNOW for ourselves to be true. No other person will be able to justify our actions. Calm our fears. Or convince us of what we should do. It becomes our choice to follow what we know we should do and what we know we can do.
There comes a point where we force ourselves to be more.
Love more.
Care more.
Listen more.
Believe more.
Lift more.
Smile more.
Believe longer.
Wait longer.
Be stronger.
Do what we have not done before.
No longer convinced that the way we think about ourselves and the way we treat others is permanent.

Change.

An Apostle of God said...
"... it ought to be a matter of great doctrinal consolation to us that Jesus, in the course of the Atonement, experienced all of the heartache and sorrow, all of the disappointments and injustices that the entire family of man had experienced and would experience from Adam and Eve to the end of the world in order that we would not have to face them so severely or so deeply. However heavy our load might be, it would be a lot heavier if the Savior had not gone that way before us and carried that burden with us and for us.

Very early in the Prophet Joseph’s ministry, the Savior taught him this doctrine. After speaking of sufferings so exquisite to feel and so hard to bear, Jesus said, “I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they [and that means you and I and everyone] might not suffer if they would repent” (D&C 19:16). In our moments of pain and trial, I guess we would shudder to think it could be worse, but the answer to that is clearly that it could be worse and it would be worse. Only through our faith and repentance and obedience to the gospel that provided the sacred Atonement is it kept from being worse.

Furthermore, we note that not only has the Savior suffered, in His case entirely innocently, but so have most of the prophets and other great men and women recorded in the scriptures. Name an Old Testament or Book of Mormon prophet, name a New Testament Apostle, name virtually any of the leaders in any dispensation, including our own, and you name someone who has had trouble.
My point? If you are having a bad day, you’ve got a lot of company—very, very good company. The best company that has ever lived.

Now, don’t misunderstand. We don’t have to look for sorrow. We don’t have to seek to be martyrs. Trouble has a way of finding us even without our looking for it...But remember, first, God has not forgotten you, and second, the Savior has been where you have been, allowing Him to provide for your deliverance and your comfort." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland 9.7.2008 (The whole talk is worth the time to read it. Or you can watch it.)

Applicable

2011-10-21T16:52:00.001-06:00

Students need to know where they are going and what they are expected to accomplish (Childre, Sands & Pope, 2009).

I read this statement in an article I was assigned to read for grad school, and I thought how I hope to be that type of teacher. Clear with expectations, and support for how to reach those expectations.

I quickly realized that 'students' is too narrow for this statement.

People.

Humans.

Men.

Woman.

EVERYONE needs to know where they are going and what they are expected to accomplish.

Which brings me to two things.

The Scriptures

and

Apostles and Prophets

Because the gospel of Jesus Christ has been fully restored these two things provide me with the knowledge of where I am going and what is expected of me to get there.

PROOF!

2011-10-14T16:45:00.002-06:00

Meet Henry Cavill

You may remember him like this...

Next year you will see him like this...

And here is where I prove that I found him first! Before he graces the screen as our beloved Superman/Clark Kent.

Keep making movies Henry. You're a joy to look at!

Annoy

2011-10-12T22:35:00.000-06:00

So I've been pretty blessed the past year to have a strange patience for people. I rarely would find myself getting annoyed or frustrated with others. I loved it. It was so nice to not think about it and have those thoughts fill my mind.
Well lately, that hasn't been the case. I hate it. I find myself focusing on little things that are so annoying and making them into something that is important. It's contagious too... So it's time to do better, before it gets worse! I don't want to care about the little dumb things that people do. I am just going to let them role off of me and let people be who they are! Because let's face it. There is no way in... that people don't find things annoying about me. I mean come on! Have you heard my laugh? And how loud my voice can get? It's pretty crazy sometimes.
So here is to positive thinking, or not even that. Just not negative thinking about others. Because I could really do fine with just not thinking about little stupid things that people do.
Here's to doing better! (CHEERS!)

Explanation:

2011-10-12T21:43:00.003-06:00

So... If you read my blog at all you'll notice a decline in posts. There are a few reasons for this.
1. I blog while at work. My job has been CRAZY busy lately. If you know of anyone that needs part time work please contact me! We are slammed!
2. While at work when I have time I am doing homework. Because if I don't do it at work, it wont get done in the time I have outside of school.
3. I usually blog about things that have been on my mind... Well not much aside from Education Reforms have been on my mind as of late. So if y'all are interested in that... comment here and I'll fill you in.

wait I just thought of something to blog about! A thought!

Reminders

2011-10-07T16:14:00.001-06:00

Why is it that the one person you try not to think about is the one that the universe throws constant reminders about... Irony? Fate? Subliminal messages? Coincidence? AND Does the universe throw reminders of you their way? That seems only fair!! I mean seriously!
Alas... something we may never get to the bottom of. Sort of like a delicious bag of M&M's.

Fab Friday Fav Five!

2011-09-30T17:55:00.002-06:00

(totaly borrowed this idea from Melinda because she is simply Ah-mahz-ing!)

Favorite things about FALL.

#1. This right here takes the cake for fall! I LOVE the leaves changing. Always have! I can't get enough of them. Sometimes I get a bit too distracted while driving and trying to take them in all at once. LOVE THEM!

#2. FOOTBALL!! Makes everything better!

#3 Back to school time! Come on it's so much fun!

#4. Pumpkin Flavored Treats! Shakes, cookies, breads, pies, yummy yummy things!

#5. Putting on a light jacket at night when it gets chilly!

Opportunities

2011-09-17T09:17:00.001-06:00

How often do we have opportunites to truly get to know other people? How often are we exposed to new individuals and their experiences and have an opportunity to learn from them and their past? Something we have been discussing in school is this idea behind each individual having a 'funds of knowledge.' Each person has something to offer based upon thier past and what they have learned.
I have now been in this masters program for only three and a half weeks. In those three and a half weeks I have not only gained a deeper apprehiattion for the role of educators but also 28 new close friends. Going to school is enjoyable. I look forward to seeing my classmates. Each of us has a past. Some are from different countries and they are completeing this rigorus program as english being their second language. I applaude them. The level of respect we have for one another is inspiring. And there is no feeling of competition. Instead we are filled with the desire to help one another do better. It is pretty impressive.

I heard a talk this past weekend given by an apostle talking about Tolerance and mutual respect for all. I'll include some comments he made.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks:
"all persons are brothers and sisters under God, taught within their various religions to love and do good to one another."
President Gordon B. Hinckley:
"Each of us [from various religious denominations] believes in the fatherhood of God, although we may differ in our interpretations of Him. Each of us is part of a great family, the human family, sons and daughters of God, and therefore brothers and sisters. We must work harder to build mutual respect, and attitude of forbearance, with tolerance one for another regardless of the doctrines and philosophies which we may espouse.”
Dr. Alwi Shihab, an Indonesian Muslim scholar, elaborated that idea in these words:
“To tolerate something is to learn to live with it, even when you think it is wrong and downright evil. . . . We must go, I believe, beyond tolerance if we are to achieve harmony in our world.”
Relying on the teachings of the Quran, Dr. Shihab continued:
“We must respect this God-given dignity in every human being, even in our enemies. For the goal of all human relations—whether they are religious, social, political, or economic—ought to be cooperation and mutual respect.”
Living together with mutual respect for one another’s differences is a challenge in today’s world. However...this living with differences is what the Gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us we must do.

In society we can see the lack of resepect that exisits. No country is void of this empidemic. However, what these brilliant men speak of is possible. I am seeing it in action. What a great place this world would be if we could all embrace these feelings and mutual respect for one another.

Things I'm being deprived of...

2011-09-14T21:28:00.002-06:00

-Reading Blogs.
-Posting on my blog!... I know y'all are all missing it so much! Yes you! The one who is still reading me.
-Eating dark chocolate... I'm going through with drawls.
-Movies... I'm so far behind! I purchased a movie the week before school started. It still has not been viewed!
-My friends... You still out there friends? Luckily I've got my freaking awesome co-hort. Three weeks = best friends!
-Meals... Thank goodness for peanut butter and sandwich thins, protein drinks, and granola bars. YUM!
-Current Events... What's going on? All I talk about are things in relation to education. So although I'm learning a lot about diversity and funding in the public school systems and how to teach better, turns out there are other things going on in the world.
-Down time... If I have any it's filled with reading. And then more reading. And then writing papers. And then re-writing the papers I wrote. And then more reading.
-Running errands with my mom and helping her watch my niece.
-SLEEP!

Now onto the things I've gained...
-Like I mentioned before, an awesome co-hort. I don't know why I'm so lucky. A day does not go by that we don't laugh and complain and just support one another.
-An appreciation for teachers. There is so much that goes into educating young people. I've had some pretty great teachers growing up.
-New insights and appreciation for people. There are some amazing individuals out there.
-The ability to manage stress effectively. I'm not sleeping all that well, but at least I'm not losing my mind.
-A better view of the type of educator I hope to become.
-A stronger testimony of a patient father in heaven, helping me to do what seems impossible.

And things that haven't changed...
-Saturdays watching college football... Go Utes!

Follow up How to: Handle Stress

2011-09-02T15:44:00.001-06:00

Alright y'all so remember this post about how to figure out ways to handle stress? Well, thanks to Malory for contributing as requested. I'll have you know that I did in fact notice my breathing these past two weeks. It did help just to take a step back and get some good old oxygen in. But I thought I'd share something that I found interesting.
So I have a real hard time falling asleep. That's when my brain goes into high speed Internet mode. So many thoughts start running through my head. It's like a bad dream that when you go back and try to explain it to someone you don't understand how suddenly your mom turned into a giant teddy bear in your dream. So each night when I lie down I just got swarmed with thoughts. At times it leads to unwelcome anxiety. I've tried many things to calm me down. Music, a movie, book, saying a prayer, writing in my journal. All seem to help. But nothing really does the trick.
So the other night I am thinking about homework and all the stuff I have to accomplish in the next few days. And my heart rate rises and I feel it coming on and a thought comes to mind... "just embrace it!" I thought, hmm. Okay I'll just think as hard as I can about all this and put all my frustration into it. So I did. I just thought and thought as hard as I could. I put all my stress into that thought. You know what happened? I fell asleep.
Not sure why this worked so well. But I'm sure glad it does. I tried it out a second time the other night. Same result! Finally after at least a decade of dealing with insomnia I've found a solution! Kind of weird... but let's be honest. It's me! Nothing new there about weird things.

To be or not to be...

2011-09-02T14:33:00.002-06:00

Okay so there is not any real reason for the title of this post... It is just what came to mind.
You want to hear how much fun I had in class today? Well not hear. You will have to read it. But still I hope you enjoy.
So today we got our papers back and our professor wanted to go over some basic grammar with us. Now we all acknowledged how sad it was that we, graduate students needed one. But we were all happy for it. Our professor took us through some basic things and there was a lot of talk and chatter going on. I noticed that she did not once stop us. She did not ask us to stop talking. She just continued to answer questions and get her lesson taught. Until one point she stops with a big smile on her face and said "I've never experienced this much talking and exciting during a grammar lesson. And I taught English for 10 years. I love it!" We all were grateful for the corrections.
So after this we were put into groups and asked to write a summary of the things that we learned from our assigned readings. With this summary we were to apply the grammatical elements we had just discussed.
My group was formed and we got all our information down into strait forward sentences. We were all asked to present our reviews so we had this awesome idea!! We, my peers and myself, were going to be the sentences. I was volunteered to be the punctuation along with another girl. Then there were two other girls who were the words in the sentence. We got really excited about this idea!
The first group went and we all discussed more punctuation things and their topic. Then two more groups went. We only had five minutes left in class! We were all getting so sad that we wouldn't be able to present our amazing sentence structure!! Our professor announces we have time for one more group and we jumped up!
Well our presentation was well received. Especially when another girl in the class helped be a colon. You know, one of these " : " How did we accomplish this you ask? Well I squatted down in a ball and the other girl jumped over me and yelled "freeze!" then landed right next to me.
Once we finished the whole class was laughing and our professor said "I get it now!"
We thought it was a great way to wish everyone a happy labor day weekend!
Grad school is fun!

Big difference.

2011-08-24T21:22:00.000-06:00

So it's only my first day of grad school, and I still have 4 more classes to go to and get a feel for but I already notice a difference.
It was near the end of my second 3 hour class and I'm writing down all these thoughts and ideas I have about teaching and how I want to be a good teacher, and what I can do to be a good teacher, lesson plan ideas, how to get to know the kids... so many thoughts and I'm writing them frantically down. I don't want to forget. And then I realize. Never ONCE did this happen in my undergraduate degree. Then I thought, "Is this the difference when studying a masters degree or did I just not do so well with my undergrad?"
Needless to say, I'm very excited... and now I'll list why. (remember it's only been one day)

1. my college is really concerned about my education. It's awesome.
2. my co-hort is filled with the most diverse group of people I've ever been around. I'm so excited to learn from them.
3. I already am getting ideas of how to be a better teacher... many more days to go until I get to be one.
4. everything I'm learning is applicable.
5. I see the possibilities of me being a much better scholar.
6. lots of awesome perks that are obviously paid through my tuition. :)
7. I thrive when I'm around people and have goals to work on.
8. I'm going to become an expert in time management. I wont survive otherwise.

"... learn what [is] expect[ed] of you, make a plan to do it, act on your plan with diligence, and then share with others how your experience changed you and blessed other."
- Elder Henry B. Eyring, Act in all Diligence

This is my plan on how I'm to be successful!

Have peace.

2011-08-22T12:58:00.000-06:00

Jeremiah 29: 4-7
4 Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, unto all that are carried away captives, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem unto Babylon;
5 Build ye houses, and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them;
6 Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished.
7 And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the Lord for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace.

I was struck by these vs. of scripture. Here are the Jews taken into captivity, Jeremiah, their prophet is no longer with them, but is able to send letters to them to give them direction. In this letter he informs the people that they will be in captivity for 70 years. Not such good news. But what I love most is the direction from the Lord.
"Look you're going to be in captivity for a while so why don't you build houses, plant food, get married, and have children. But seek peace and pray to me and you shall have peace."
So their situation is less than ideal, nevertheless the Lord wants them to just continue to live life and make the most of it. I just loved it. Simple advice that I know we hear all the more often. But I just was touched by the situation of these people and how often we too can find ourselves in our own captivities. No matter what it is that is less than ideal in our lives. And how the Lords advice I'm sure would be the same to us today. That we should just accept our state and trust in the Lord that maybe this is what he wants for us right now and to progress our lives the best way we're able. As we do that and seek for peace and continue to pray the Lord promises that we shall have peace.
Pretty wonderful if you ask me.
I love the scriptures!

How to: Handle Stress

2011-08-20T09:15:00.000-06:00

My 'how to' for today is one I'm currently trying to figure out. Something I probably should have evaluated a long time ago but it hasn't been till resent past years that my body is no longer able to handle stress well.
How do y'all handle stress? I took a stress management class my sophomore year of college, I should maybe go back and find my book and read through my notes. Which of course I kept. You never know right?
Here's what I've learned about my stress. When I have a deadline for a project I work very well. Television was a good job for me. So when I'm able to focus on the project at hand and get it done quickly... ta da! I'm good.
Not good... when I'm faced with ongoing stresses. My body doesn't like it much and it doesn't react well. I don't like it.
What worries me? The fact that I'm starting a masters and have been told it's really really hard and a lot of work because they condense a lot of information into a short program. So I then start thinking of how busy I'm going to be and how I'll have no time... blah blah blah. We've all been there right?
So... Here's my first discovery of de-stressing. I had an awful day at work this week and I came home and went outside and laid on the grass. I enjoyed just laying there with nothing to do, in nature, looking through the trees to the clear blue sky. After 15 minutes I felt great! So maybe I just need nature breathers... I tried it again the other day. Same result.
What have y'all found helps when you just feel you've had enough? I'm totally open for suggestions and I think that I'll test each of them and then get back to y'all how they worked and maybe find more suggestions.
I have no doubt that we're all faced with our own stresses in life. So maybe we can all figure out how to make it that much easier for each other.

Comment what's helped you most and I'll write a follow up post on the results!
Thanks for y'alls help!

Nostalgic Nuisance

2011-08-16T18:46:00.001-06:00

I'm nostalgic. I also love dates. So putting those two together I can usually remember specifically the date that major events and sometimes not so major events happened. More often than not I find myself picking up my journals and going back a year or two from the current date. I think it's fun to see what was going on. So this week takes me back to an eventful week a few years ago. Okay 7 years to be exact. (Meg can you believe it?!)
(this is not an actual excerpt from my journal. But pretty close, I just reread it. Enjoy!)

Aug 17 2004
"Well I'm sitting in LAX and I just can't believe what I'm about to do. What am I doing? I'm going to CHINA? What am I doing? Here we are a bunch of strangers all sitting silently waiting to get on a 15 hour flight to the other side of the world. I think we're all a little weirded out. No one is talking to anyone...
Well the plane ride was... not awful. But surely not something I'm looking forward to again. They gave us these little travel bags. COOL! We open them up and there is a sleep mask, tiny toothbrush and toothpaste, a small comb, and a sticker that you put on the top left corner of your chair to tell them if you want to be woken for the meal or left sleeping... I should have put the sticker there even though I didn't sleep. Not too sure what we ate. But I'm pretty sure that seafood was one of the sides in a very questionable looking Chinese tv dinner type plate. Also FYI when flying on a Chinese owned airline, don't expect to be watching American movies. Although watching a movie in Chinese makes for interesting entertainment especially when the 'couple' of the movie in the end meet on a beautiful bridge in bright colored robes on stilts and then end up falling off of them into each others arms and falling to the ground. Not sure where that came from. There was no flying, or stilts in any of the other parts of the movie. I wish I had taken an Ambien like Meggie did. She slept the whole way. Except the one time she woke up all confused and laughing. Now that was a good moment!
It was a bit weird getting off the plane in the middle of the night and walking into an airport where everything is Chinese. And what's with the big fat penguins dressed in different clothes. I'll have to figure that out.* It's quite relieving when you see a Chinese man holding a sign that says ILP teachers! Hurray!
Getting to our hotel was an adventure. Their freeways have no room on the sides if there is an accident, but they do have people cleaning the freeways with no space between them and the cars going like 80 miles an hour. Okay so I couldn't tell how fast the driver was going because it was in kilometers per hour.
Shanghai is huge and colorful! It's crazy seeing Chinese everywhere. There are a few signs in English but mostly just Chinese. The high light of the bus ride was when our driver when down a one way street in down town Shanghai. Yup.. that caused a back up. Especially because it's a two lane, one way road, that is very narrow. He had to do like a 6 point turn to get around. People were honking up a storm. They honk a lot here. I don't like it.
Finally we got to the hotel. The lobby is gorgeous we're thinking 'oh yes! A nice bed!' Seeing as I didn't sleep on the plane and we're now 14 hours ahead of what we're used to... I have no idea how little sleep I'm on. Well the lobby may have been nice but the rooms, not so much. But I didn't care I just wanted to lay down. I walk over to the bed put my bag down on the floor and jump on the bed ready to finally feel relaxed. Note to self and others. NEVER jump on a bed in China. They are wood blocks covered with a thin layer of padding. So the image my friend witnessed was a exhausted Cami so happy to see a bed then jumping full force only to land hard on her side and then writhe in pain. Followed by large outbursts of laughter.
It's gonna be a long 4 months if this is how my bed at school will be.^"

* The penguins to this day I don't know what they are. I saw them everywhere. I developed a fetish for them just because they were a mystery to me. I have two DVD cases with them on it, and a stuffed animal of one. So weird.
^ My bed I slept in at the school had been broken by whomever used it before so there was a give in it. But I still had to train myself to sleep on broken wood for 4 months. Upon coming home and sitting on my bed I was in awe of how comfortable a matress could be.

Honestly...

2011-08-13T14:17:00.000-06:00

“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour” (Exodus 20:16).

A situation arose this past week that caused me to think about the principle of honesty.
I think I used to think of it merely as when asked a question 'always tell the truth. don't lie.' That was kind of it's extend. I wish I could admit I've never lied or been dishonest. Something I'm most definitely not proud of in the slightest way.

Almost two years ago I was apart of a lesson in church about Honesty. My heart was changed and since then I've done my best to be honest.

Back to this event this past week.
I told a coworker, who is my superior and good friend, about a funny conversation I had on gchat while at work. Two things happened 1. he didn't think it was funny, even though it had my cousin and I crying with laughter and 2. he told me we weren't allowed to use online chats. BLAH! That is something they forgot to mention when I was hired. It's been so nice to pass long days! And the days can get LONG! GRRRRR! We've resorted to emails...

So every time I want to chat to friends I think "What if today he asks if I did chat online? I don't want to have to lie. So I better not do it." Right there! This is my new understanding of honesty. Preventing the situation from even happening that would cause me to lie! Prevention! I love it! Okay so I know this isn't a new idea that has never been discovered, but I love how much sense it makes. It's also why I never drive more than 5 over the speed limit, I don't want to have a reason to worry if that cop is going to pull out and pull me over. He's gonna grab that speed demon next to me!

I thought about the peace of mind that comes when we're honest. Most of the time it's just us being honest with ourselves. Our integrity. What we do when no one is looking. So I thought about the simple change that is brought placed upon me when I KNOW the rules. I didn't know I was breaking a rule about online chats, I do now. Now I have a choice to make to either follow them and be honest, or not.

The same principle applies with God's laws, or the commandments. What a responsibility I have to follow those! Thanks to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ I know what they are, I've been told by many in authority what I should do... Am I going to do it? I sure want to be able to. Just like I don't want to have to lie to my friend if he by chance asks me if I chatted online, I sure don't want to have to face the Lord and confess (because lying will be impossible) that I did things knowing I shouldn't have. Because that day will come...

Now the more people I've told the more I'm held accountable! Thanks for your help! :)

*Between calls I'm allowed to use the internet and do most of anything. I'm not just NOT working.

Unavailable Irony

2011-08-12T08:19:00.001-06:00

So seeing as I'm single, I spend time reflecting if there is anything I can do to do better, to help with my lack of dating life. I could blame it on all the males around me that for some reason just seem like morons who have no guts/desire/drive to take a cute, fun girl on a date. So yes I do put part of the blame on them, however I too take responsibility as well.
I've determined that for some reason I don't come off as being available. Not really sure what causes this. I was talking to a male friend about it last week and I told him my theory. He took a step back, looked me up and down and said, "Yeah I can see that. Here, now try acting all shy and scared." So I immediately close up and don't look him in the eye and act all shy and stuff. His response, "Well it worked! I'd totally come talk to you."
After laughing a bit, I told him that I wasn't going to take this tactic. Because let's face it, I'm not shy. Never really have been. Sometimes I'm not as outgoing but I'm not shy by any means, so I don't feel comfortable 'acting' shy to get a guy to ask me out then he finds out that I'm not that way... well it probably wont work out too well if I'm not being myself.
Turns out that guys aren't the only ones that think I'm unavailable, I talked to a good female friend of mine who said the same thing "I just think, well she's got a lot of friends she's probably busy." I reassured her this wasn't the case and that she and I could spend more time together.
So I'm sort of stuck not really knowing how I can help this situation without changing who I am....
Now for the Irony of it all.
I was approached by a young man at church on Sunday, we'll call him Ron. Ron and I have talked a few times and gotten comfortable so it wasn't weird having him come up to me. We talked for a minute then he asked me out for Saturday! Brilliant right?! I say well done Ron! Well done! Now for the Irony part, this week and next I'm working two jobs, leaving me literally with no nights free. Then the next week I begin my Masters program. Not really sure how free I'll be then. So I had to regretfully decline Ron's invitation. I was really bummed, he seems like a quality guy. But what was I to do?
Then after thinking about how a guy finally asked me out, to my face, I thought, well maybe I should suggest we do something another time? So I plan to go to ward prayer that same night and talk to him there... Turns out Ron must have been not too happy with my reply, he avoided talking to me the whole time I was there. So I thought, well I guess I wont do anything about it now.
After reliving the events to my best friend, she asked if we rescheduled. Someone else asked if I did that too! I didn't know that was a rule!! It makes sense but in all honesty I'm not very experienced with this type of thing.
So rule #8 when a boy asks you out and you can't go, suggest a night you can go.
Gee thanks for telling me all you married folk out there! :)
So I go from being perceived as unavailable*, to literally being so. Ahhh life! Pretty funny when you think about it.

*This is just a theory. I don't really know if it's true. But it's a far better theory than thinking there is something wrong with me. I've done that before... That's bad and usually not true.

Best friends

2011-08-05T07:59:00.001-06:00

What makes a best friend?
Is it that you spend all your time with them?
Is it that you trust them?
Is it that you want to tell them everything going on in your life?
Is it that they understand you? And even if they don't understand you, they want to support you in your decisions so you'll be as happy?
Is it the fact you have something in common?
Is it because they bring out the best in you?
Is it because they 'get' you?
Is if because you're going through the same things at that time?
Is it because you've experienced hard times together?
Is it because you've known them for so long you just can't help but keep them apart of your life?
Is it the fact that they make you want to be better?
Is it the fact that they simply care about you and want to know what's going on in your life?
Is it the fact that you can totally be yourself and know that you'll still be accepted?
Is it because you know, that no matter what you do they will always love you?
Is it because they make you laugh?
Is it because they listen to you ramble on and on about the same things that go through your head?

I think it's all of the above and more. Because I've got 'best friends' that can fit each one of these.

Here's a shout out to best friends! Those still in your lives and those from the past! For all the hours spend laughing, crying, and listening. For all the time spent caring and making memories. For all the stupid inside jokes. Here's to the late nights on the phone talking about bad dates, or great dates. To all the friends who don't give up. To best friends that will drive 100 miles just to spend a few hours with you. Ones who were in your life for a short time or for a lifetime. To all those who drop everything the minute you call. For all the encouragement and support. For all the big and small moments in life shared. For all the sacrifice involved. For just simply being there.

To those of my 'best friends' reading this. No matter where we are now, know that I'm forever grateful for you. Know that I've always felt so blessed for the friends I've had in my life. I've always offered a prayer of gratitude in behalf of those friends the Lord has placed in my life. Turns out I kind of like having people around me and being apart of my life. I sure do love you and always will!

Hey Blog!

2011-08-04T14:20:00.001-06:00

Hey Blog! How you doing today?
So we've now been involved for a little over 4 years I think. Wow, has it been that long? It's interesting to go back and see how our relationship has progressed. You've been with me through all the good times and bad too, now that I think about it.
I'm happy with how we've progressed. We used to only be involved in football games and movies and tv, now we have much much more to talk about. I enjoy our time together. And you have such a good memory that all I have to do is click, click and I can see what was going on in my life. You're so nice to remember so well.
Today blog I've got a lot on my mind. Well not a lot of things just a few things that end up having me think a lot.
I'll just talk about one though.
School.
I'm going to be a full time student again Blog... It's been over 4 years since I've been a full time student. This is going to be weird. And I'm not just venturing to be a full time 12 credit student, I'll be around 19 credits this semester... EEK! But you know what Blog, I'm really excited. I'll tell you why.
I am someone who loves to be busy. I love having places to go and having my day full. But even better a day full of worth while things.
I do so much better when I have short term goals to work on. School is the best. 4 months! It's perfect.
I'm looking forward to a social environment again. Work gives me none of that!
Turns out I love learning. LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Especially when it's something I can use and apply.
Let's see why else am I excited...I think that'll do for now.

So there's just one thing that is on my mind these days... along with... dating, boys, friends, family, Dallas, health, progression, cycling, health, disneyland...and football on occasion.
But I'll spare you details on all those things... BORING!

Thanks Blog! Have a good day!

Makes me think...

2011-07-30T13:18:00.001-06:00

Came across this and it caused me to think...

Preparation for the Second Coming
Dallin H Oaks April 2004

"What if the day of His coming were tomorrow? If we knew that we would meet the Lord tomorrow—through our premature death or through His unexpected coming—what would we do today? What confessions would we make? What practices would we discontinue? What accounts would we settle? What forgivenesses would we extend? What testimonies would we bear?"

I wish my replies could be
What confessions? None, I've made them.
Discontinued practices? None, I've stopped them.
Accounts to settle? None, I've settled them.
Forgiveness to extend? None, I've forgiven.
Testimonies to bear? None. I never hesitated.

But alas I am human... Lucky for me I'm a human with a Savior who can help me get to the point that my answers can be these. Thank goodness He's patient with me.

Dear Utah Football:

2011-07-27T12:43:00.000-06:00

Dear Utah Football:

So... Hi! Um... I have to admit I'm a bit embarrassed to be writing you again. After last time I can't imagine you thought you'd be hearing from me again. But... well yesterday I saw this video...

And well after watching that... I just... okay I'll just say it. All my old feelings came flooding back! I could feel the excitement that comes from waiting in the stands hours before kick off for the first game! I remembered standing in the rain soaked to the bone and loving every minute of it. A smile came to my face and it wouldn't leave!
I don't know what I was thinking before... Maybe I wasn't. I was judging everything on how I felt about the '10 season. And let's face it, I really only was around for half of it and still kind of trying to figure things out.
But I no longer want that gap to be between us! I'm so sorry! I should have never thought my feelings had changed! I feel just terrible. I hope you wont hold this against me. I promise I still remained faithful to you! I never once looked at another team! I would never!
I'm so proud of you for being apart of the PAC-12 I'm going to be there for your first game in the PAC-12! That's right! I'll be there to support you through this new adventure. Maybe we can think of it as a new start for us. Not that the MWC days weren't good. If it weren't for the BCS busting I doubt we'd be here today!
So I hope you'll accept this letter as a plea for your forgiveness and acceptance back into the football freak that I am. I guess I just suppressed it a whole lot better than I thought. But again after watching the video above, I just couldn't stop saying. "I love Utah Football!!" Okay now I'm blushing...

Love
You're devoted fan.
Cami

Go Utes!

Always reminded...

2011-07-23T13:47:00.001-06:00

You know what is not fun. Thinking about myself. I hate it in fact. I miss the mission.

So as one might tell I have been thinking about myself a lot. It's forced upon me in some ways. But you know I just am done. Done done done! It's such a waste of time at this point. I think too much I find. So what's been replaying in my head over and over and over?

This quote.

“Dear Gordon, I have your recent letter. I have only one suggestion: forget yourself and go to work.” -pres. Hinckley's father.

This quote came to mind many times while serving my mission since that is when Pres. Hinckley received this advice. But you know I want to continue to apply it now.

So here I go.
"Dear Cami, I have your recent prayer. I have only one suggestion: forget yourself and go to work. Love, your Father in Heaven."

So that's what I shall do.

July 2012

2011-07-22T14:34:00.000-06:00

Dear Cami-erin:

First off don't be allarmed that you're hearing from me. Well hearing from you. I know it's hard to understand but I felt that you could use this little pick me up through this time.
You know how things don't always makes sense when they are happening. Like why you could not find a job for a whole year after gradutation from the U? Or why you lost your job that you loved? Or why you didn't end up moving to New York all those years ago? But then as time passes it all seems to fall into place and you're so grateful it has?
Well this is why I'm writing you. I want you to know that this, this that your going through will too all fall into place. You've been thinking a lot about that scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 90:24 "Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good, if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another." You know this is true. I know you do. I and know as you know that it's hard while in the moment to hold onto this truth. Especially to trust in the Lord when he's prompting you to do things that are so against what you feel you should do. Things that are making you face your fears and trust in him more and more each day. I know it's hard for you now.
But just like all those other times that it was really really hard and you didn't know what to do and you couldn't see how life would turn out. Well I can tell you that this is just like any other time. Just like all those other times that you are unsure and hope for things and want things, but in the end the Lord molds, creates, forms, navigates you on a path that is truly prepared for you. But remember you've got to keep moving forward ortherwise nothing will turn out.
So I guess this is just a small something to encourage you to keep going. And I know it's not easy to keep that mindset, our natural reactions can be pretty strong. But just keep fighting them off. You'll win in the end.
Trust me. I know.

Yours truly,
Cami
July 2012

R.O.A.D. Trip.

2011-07-18T08:15:00.002-06:00

R is for Reunion. This road trip was to go celebrate my mission presidents completing their service to the Lord.

This is Allie and I waiting in who knows where for our turn on the highway shut down to a one lane road.
Best quote from the drive down.

Jesse, 23 yr old Male whom also served with us.

"My Dad asked if I was going to cut my hair(he has a mullet) and shave. I said "No." I'm an adult! I can do what I want!" This was repeated many times over the 72 hours we were together whenever someone made a really stupid decision.

Brian and I decided since we were at the temple together we might as well elope! ... For about a minute while we took this picture.

Weird memory for day two: Standing by a pool in my swimming suit talking with 5 former Elders in their swimming suits.... Things were a bit different last time we were all together...

O is for Hugs! You know like X's and O's :) I got to give my mission president a great big hug! The moment they walked into the chapel we all jumped up and ran over to them! Instantly there was a line of 30 some odd 20-year-olds resembling children waiting in line to see Santa.

It felt so right to be sitting in the chapel listening to the awesome testimonies of my mission president and his wife. I'm so honored I got to serve with them and watch and learn from their example.

This is Brooke and I just chilling at President's house...

The hardest part of the trip was when Sis. Smith said 'I've missed you so much. I just want to sit down and talk with you...' Having to tell her I had to get in my car and drive 10 hours to get home and go to work the next morning was not something I wanted to do. I wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch with her and talk for hours... One day.

A is for Adventure

Well we're on the road cruising, knowing that we were going to get home around 2:00 am (I had to be to work at 7:00) Then all the sudden... This.

Highlight from this though... Jesse putting on my Rollerblades and going up the highway and then flying past us 10 minutes later. I was laughing hysterically.

Now on to the adventurous part.

They made us turn around on the highway, we're not sure if they made us but people were and we couldn't see why it was closed so we did as everyone else did. Then we were directed to an exit that put us going back south...well we sure as heck didn't want to go south. We ended up stopping some people and got directions to go up this random road and we were told it would turn into a dirt road and to take two lefts then we would get into Flagstaff...Um...okay.

Well we took it. After some time we weren't finding the dirt road and we were headed in the wrong direction. Allie voiced concern. They already knew I was nervous. So we stopped. Jesse pointed out the this road wasn't going to no where so we should just see where it goes and then figure it out then. The thought came to mind, to trust the priesthood holder. Allie and I were both thinking too much. So we start driving again and around the curve in the road not 50 yards ahead of us was the dirt road. Followed by a sign leading us towards a state road.

Allie and I found it very funny that we stopped right out of site of the dirt road. Allie and I laughed and reflected on how maybe in life we panic or get scared or question just that much too soon. Just right before something is revealed.

What we gained from this very bizarre detour was a beautiful drive through the mountains in Arizona. We saw the sun setting on these beautiful small lakes with trees all around. It was breathtaking.

D is for DEAD tired!

I got home at 4:15 this morning... My alarm went off at 6:00 so that I could be to work at 7:00... I calculated that I only got a total of maybe 9 hours over the past 72 hours.... Yes I'm shaking a bit and a bit wobbly... Good thing I'm sitting down at work.

Things I can't resist...

2011-07-09T11:44:00.000-06:00

Here are just a few things I simply cannot resist...

Dark Chocolate...No reason to resist this, it's good for you!
An opportunity to go up to my cabin... heaven on earth.
Responding to a 2 and half year old with her little palm open beckoning me while saying "Come on Cam." So matter of fact-ly, like why wouldn't you want to come?... Oh, okay!
The request of a family member of friend in need...
Belting at the top of my lungs while show tunes play in my car...
Acting like a child while at Disneyland...
Buying red things... I love red!
Trying on Diamonds at my Uncles store...
Performing... I tell myself I am worn out and want a break, then I find myself longing to be in another show.
Dancing...
Serving my father in heaven...I've learned from experience I can't pass this up, even though I might not want to at first.

Flour and Salt

2011-07-04T14:06:00.000-06:00

I was talking with a friend the other day about how difficult it is to hold onto revelation. I suddenly thought of cookies... bear with me. You know how when you're making cookies and you have like, a pound of flour and only a teaspoon of salt? Okay so it's not a pound, but this was a visual I had.
This big bowl, and in it is a pound of flour(okay so it's a really big bowl!) and then a teaspoon of salt.
Salt=personal revelation
flour= lies from the adversary/natural thoughts/distractions/fear
The salt is way way out numbered. But this is how I feel it can be sometimes. Well it is for me at least. I receive this personal revelation from a loving Father in Heaven and then within, a day, week, two weeks, an hour, a pound of flour can be dumped on it and it's pretty dang hard to find those tiny granules of salt again.
But I know they are there. I can't deny it. As hard as it is to see them clearly, I know they are in there. I desperately wish the salt was died purple, or that they were huge pieces of sea salt, or somehow all the tiny pieces stuck together. That would be easier. But I guess it's not about being easy huh?
I could take the time to go through all the flour to make sure that the salt was still there. But then I realize that's silly, I know it's there. No matter how much flour gets put on top or mixed in with that bit of salt. I know it's there. Where would it have gone? It's not like it would be absorbed by the flour. It can't change the salt at all. The salt is still and will be what it is. The only thing that could change it, would be my perception. I sure as heck can't see the salt anymore, so what now? Should I just believe my eyes and tell myself it's not in there anymore? That doesn't make sense... it is in there. It was there first.
I just can't forget. Because then all I'd have is a pound of flour... What good is that going to do me?

An Investment.

2011-06-27T13:21:00.002-06:00

JST Ps. 30:9 “When I go down to the pit, my blood shall return to the dust. I will praise thee; my soul shall declare thy truth; for what profit am I, if I do it not?”

What profit am I?
I read this passage and it sunk deep. What profit am I to the Lord? I thought more about what a profit is to someone and thought of someone investing in a company. Then I realized, we’ve all been invested in. The Atonement. It’s up to us to use that investment and then turn it into a profit for the Lord’s kingdom. It waits for us to be applied, to help us progress and grow. But how often do we see ourselves as less than our potential? Comfortable and content. Not willing to be more? It’s far easier to accept who we are, and not who we can be.

But the Lord has told us who we can be and our potential.
“And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.” (Romans 8:16)

And he invites us constantly to reach that potential.
“Therefore I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect.” (3 Nephi 12:48)
“Therefore, follow me, and listen to the counsel which I shall give unto you.” (Doc and Cov 100:2)

Bruce C Haven said “The atonement is not simply a doctrine to erase black marks, but is a fundamental principle of development.”
I once understood the atonement in this light. A great power that can clear us of our sins and stains that they leave behind. But I now see it to be so much more. It’s the principle that we can become more than we once were. It’s the truth behind progression, both in this life and the next to come. It’s only through the atonement that we are able to overcome the natural man.
“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becomenth as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.” (mosiah 3:19)

Now I have many natural tendencies that keep me from being like the Savior. Some days they are more prominent than others. But I have at times been blessed to see the atonement implemented in my life so that I can not react ‘naturally’ in situations but react as my savior would. I promise you that this is possible. That through the power of the Holy Ghost we can be influenced and guided to alter our natural tendencies so that we are in harmony with the will of the Lord.

This of course might or most likely will take time. “For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, we have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.” (2 Nephi 28:30)

Let us take the time to get to know the Father and the Son. For how can we be like them if we do not know them.
“Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God, but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant, but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessing require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayers is a form of work, and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings.” (Bible Dictionary, Prayer)

I have confidence in the Father and that this doctrine of prayer. I’ve seen the power of prayer to align my will with the Fathers. To bring our goals in line. I marvel at who I’ve become and rejoice in the possibilities ahead. Let us all take advantage of the investment already placed in us. The atonement. It is readily available to us all. Waiting to help us progress, grow and become something we were not the day before. To one day be able to reach our highest potential, exaltation in our Fathers Kingdom.

"For what profit am I if I do it not?"

Dear Dreams:

2011-06-18T07:54:00.000-06:00

Okay dreams... you are making me a bit conflicted. I don't know whether to believe in you or not... It's one thing to hope for something and work towards it. But this is different. You dreams, are different. You are something that not only is hoped for but desired.
I bet you just love that don't you? I bet you just love being there in the back of our minds. Giving us something to look forward to and think about and get all happy about. Well you know what dreams... I like it too. Yes, I admit it. I like having you around.
We both have to admit that sometimes we're not totally in line with reality. And remember that one thing I always dreamed about? MAN aren't we BOTH happy that, that never came true.
You are fun though. You make impossible things come to life. Like that flying dream I have when I'm back at my elementary school and I'm flying over the playground! Awesome! I like you more when I'm sleeping... when I'm awake and it's during the day, some would call it day dreaming, I feel a bit more foolish. Usually because I'll be dreaming up some random experience. Like after I just belted out an awesome show tunes number I've almost got my acceptance speech for a TONY down to a science! Thanks to you of course. Oh, right the part when I feel foolish... well this usually happens while driving and on the freeway I figure no one really sees me, but the minute I'm on the surface streets that dialogue becomes internal. No offense. I'm not ashamed of you at all...Well maybe a bit embarrassed, but not ashamed.
A wise Disney character recently asked 'what if what you always dreamed of turns out to be exactly what you wanted?' (or something to that effect)
I'm sort of stuck right there... really, what if? Dang...that would be literally a dream come true. That's doesn't happen very often. There ya go! Maybe if you just lead me in a more realistic direction we'd have a more fluid, consistent relationship.
Work on that and get back to me.

Thanks Dreams! You're fun!

What if...

2011-06-14T14:53:00.001-06:00

What if... you're whole happiness relied on an event that had not happened yet?
           Revelation 12:7
            And there was a war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought against his angles.

What if... you had to choose between staying the same or a change that would bring everlasting happiness?
           Abraham 3:27
And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them;
And they who keep their first estate shall be added upon; and they who keep not their first estate shall not have glory in the same kingdom with those who keep their first estate; and they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.
And the Lord said: Whom shall I send? And one answered like unto the Son of Man: Here am I, send me. And another answered and said: Here am I, send me. And the Lord said: I will send the first.
And the second was angry, and kept not his first estate; and, at that day, many followed after him.
What if... the only person in your life worth relying on was someone you had never seen?
            John 20:29
            Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me thou hast believed: blessed are that have not seen, and yet have believed.

What if... there were nothing to fear?
            Doctrine and Covenants 68:6
            Wherefore be of good cheer and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you;  and you shall bear witness of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come.

What if... you had no reason to doubt?
            Mormon 9:27
            O then despise not, and wonder not, but hearken unto the words of the Lord, and ask the Father in the name of Jesus for what things soever ye shall stand in need. Doubt not, but be believing, and begin as in times of old, and come unto the Lord with all your heart, and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling before him.

What if... you were asked to give up everything you had?
            Mark 10:21
            Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

What if... you were asked to give your life?
            Omni 1:26
           And now, my beloved brethren, I would that ye should come unto Christ, who is the Holy One of Israel, and partake of his salvation, and the power of his redemption. Yea, come unto him, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him, and continue in fasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth ye will be saved.

What if... there was never a question as to what you should do?
           Matthew 22:36-40
           Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all the heart, and with all the soul, and with all they mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

What would you do?

How are prayers answered....

2011-06-10T13:07:00.001-06:00

So I had an interesting revelation on how generous our Father in Heaven can be. (this is not to brag. But to glory in the fact that we have a loving Father in Heaven)

So for months now I've been looking for a good reliable car. The one I purchased when I came home has now broken 3 times and though it's a good car I no longer felt like fixing it. So I was looking for a small car, good mileage, not too expensive. I prayed for this. I told the Lord what I was looking for. I wanted to feel safe in a car and not worry.
I found a few cars that fit my criteria but every time I'd contact them things would get in the way. It was just so difficult and nothing was working. I was always very nervous about it and never sure of my choice. I didn't want to buy something from someone I couldn't trust.
Well one day about 3 weeks ago I see this awesome car. One that didn't fit my criteria but one that I've always wanted. I check it out and it was a great deal. So I email the seller, worrying, because there is no other information or way to contact the seller.
I quickly get an email back with it saying...
'Cami from Hillcrest?'
Turns out that the seller was a good friend of mine from high school! Oh my gosh it was so funny! So we arranged a time to test drive it. I fell in love and I bought it two days later!

So I was thinking about this. I didn't get what I prayed for. I wanted something with a lot less miles. However, I wasn't thrilled about the cars I was looking for. They were just practical. So instead I got a car that I just love! At such a good price. My friend told me that had I not contacted her when I did that they would have taken it off and then put it on for more money. It was such answer to prayers. It's just wonderful that when I was praying for something practical that I would have liked to have, I got something still practical that I love having.

So then I reflected on all the other times I got something that I wasn't expecting, but praying for in a way. I find it amazing and very peaceful that we have someone so wise and caring involved in our lives. I miss being a full time missionary and seeing tiny miracles every day. Simple ones, like praying at 7:30 at night to be inspired to go to a home that someone would let you in so that you can be obedient and 'work' all night. And immediately having someone pop in your head. You go to their house, the lights are all off, but you tentatively walk up to the door trusting that what you thought was inspired. Then a kind women opens the door and lets you in...Simple things like that. I know they can happen more and more. I just must be failing at being available to be apart of them. I'll be working on this for sure.

Memory Challenge.

2011-06-06T13:44:00.001-06:00

This is me. Rollerblading with good old Abe Lincoln!

The best best friend ever. Never can we not hang out and create fun silly memories.

19 and 3

2011-06-06T10:48:00.001-06:00

19 years ago today I was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and 3 years ago today I made another covenant with my Father in Heaven in his temple upon receiving my endowment.

Because the power of God was restored to the earth, I have had the gift of the holy ghost with me for 19 years now. Therefore making it difficult to fully appreciate what it is to live without it. However, as I think back over the years I recognize many small moments I have been guided by the Holy Ghost to make choices that would keep me in line with what my Father in Heaven wants for me. As I look back, I can see how my life has taken shape and stayed on course back to live with my Father in Heaven again.... I wish there was a word to express gratitude more than the word 'grateful' I just don't feel it does it justice. I feel it's this gratitude that is eternal. A debt almost. Something I want so badly to repay, but the more I try to give back, I then receive even more. Therefore it's never ending.

As I relive the day I got to receive my endowment, I see that time of my life as such a turning point. I feel that the past three years have been extremely pivotal to who I am today and who I now want to become.

I marvel in the blessings of this gospel and the truths that we have on the earth today. I am secure in my knowledge that we have the power of God once again on the earth today. And because of that power we are able to participate in the necessary ordinances to ensure our return to Him. For Christ said "Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be ^aborn of ^bwater and of the ^cSpirit, he cannot ^denter into the kingdom of God." By being baptised by the same authority that our savior was baptised, I can have the comfort in knowing that if I live in accordance with his commandments I can enter into the Kingdom of God. Nothing brings me more peace. And this never ending feeling of eternal gratitude.

So for me June 6th is a great day!

Sheepish

2011-06-03T08:49:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling sheepish... I didn't come prepared to work with my proof of me completing my own CHALLENGE I issued last week... And since I only blog while at work you'll have to wait until tomorrow. How baaaaaa-d of me.

Hope is an emotion...

2011-05-27T11:40:00.000-06:00

Loved this! I wanted to share excerpts from this talk.

Steven E. Snow

"Hope is an emotion that brings richness to our everyday lives...
As such, hope brings a certain calming influence to our lives as we confidently look forward to future events...
Our hopes can lead to dreams which can inspire us and lead us to action. If we have the hope to do better in school, that hope can be realized by dedicated study and sacrifice. If we have the hope to play on a winning team, that hope can lead to consistent practice, dedication, teamwork, and ultimately success....
Hope can inspire dreams and spur us to realize those dreams. Hope alone, however, does not cause us to succeed. Many honorable hopes have gone unfulfilled, shipwrecked on the reefs of good intentions and laziness...
We should never let hope be displaced by despair. The Apostle Paul wrote that we “should plow in hope” (1 Corinthians 9:10). The exercise of hope enriches our lives and helps us look forward to the future. Whether we are plowing fields to plant or plowing through life, it is imperative we, as Latter-day Saints, have hope."

Life is full of disappointments and situations that require patience for things to change. All I know is that there is only one thing in this life that is constant. One thing that will endure and continue. The love of our Heavenly Father and his Son, our savior Jesus Christ which is manifest through the gospel and their church. Everything else will pass away. Everything else can be destroyed by who knows what. But the truths that lie in the Gospel of Jesus Christ are eternal.

Memory Challenge.

2011-05-27T11:00:00.001-06:00

I like pictures. Okay I LOVE pictures. At one point while in high school I had a full wall in my room covered in pictures from that year. I've realized over the years that the reason I like photographs so much is because each picture has memories attached.
Recently I've realized the importance of making memories. Or in other words just living life in a way that we want to remember what we do. Memories or experiences are the things that we get to keep throughout our lives and into the next.
I've thought of something fun to do. Sort of a challenge for us all. I propose that over the next week, each of us does something out of the ordinary. Something that isn't every day and make a new memory. It's totally up to the individual. You choose if it is something involving a group or just all by yourself. Take your cameras with you and take a photograph to immortalize your new memory. Then next Friday, June 3rd we can all post about it and share what we did. The silly-ier the better! Let's all create opportunities to laugh and have joy in this life. Come on this will be fun!

some ideas:
just add something silly to something ordinary
think of what you did as a kid, and do it again
go play on a playground
if the weather stays nice go enjoy nature
go to a new restaurant
service activities for loved ones

*If you choose to participate comment on this post so we can all see the fun things we all did this week.

Well...

2011-05-17T13:27:00.000-06:00

You may or my not recall that at the beginning of the year I talked about my ineptitude goal setting well I would like to report on some goals I've set but also some things I've learned.

Okay I always have things I am working on but I had 4 measurable goals for this year.
1. To get accepted in the Masters of Arts in Teaching at Westminster College.
2. Run a half marathon.
3. Get A's in my classes I take.
4. Lose 15 more pounds. (for health reasons not because I think I'm fat. Relax!)

Okay so now onto my report.
#1 Accomplished. I found out last week. Westminster accepts students for the Summer and Fall semesters so I had originally applied for the Summer. When I found out I didn't get in I was disappointed. A masters was never in my plans but this all fell into place when I returned from serving a mission. I looked into other options but this one just was what I wanted. So when I didn't get in. I started thinking, okay now what if I don't get in at all? So I looked again, I thought some more. NO this is what I wanted. I knelt down and told the Lord. Look this is what I want. I don't want to go anywhere else. If I should look into other options I need you to interfere. He didn't. :) I'm so excited. And very much looking forward to pushing myself in this degree.

#2. This goal will most likely not be met this year. I've always wanted to run one and I've looked into many. But I actually signed up for one. But during training I got a lot of pain in my knee and I couldn't figure out how to help it. It wouldn't get better. I started to realize that maybe this goal isn't realistic. That maybe I need to make sure I know my abilities before making goals that are not able to be met.

#3. Okay so I don't think of myself as stupid nor super smart. I did just fine in my undergrad but now that I've gone back to school I was determined to do my best. I wanted A's in my classes. A-'s were fine. Just A's. I took two classes this past semester and I'll tell you I've never studied more for classes. I read every single chapter assigned to me in my text books! That was huge! I learned a whole lot and really loved it in fact. However near the end of the semester I knew that I wouldn't be getting an A in one of my classes. I was upset with myself. I realized ways I could do things better. I realized how to study more efficiently. I also realized that even though a goal will not be met I must not just give up. Because I still ended up with one A and one B and I am very proud of myself.

#4. Okay this one... this one is an every day thing that I need to embed within me. I need to remember that everything has a consequence. This is much more long term. The effects are not seen immediately but the reward will be worth it. It's hard for me remember this from day to day.

So with all these goals I've learned very important things for my life.
1. To have goals. We need things to work towards, to feel accomplished.
2. Goals are the end result, it's the things along the way that matter.
3. Sometimes the small things alone the way are hard, but because we've set the goal we know the result will be worth it.
4. Even if we fall short it's still important to continue on and do our best to reach as close as we can.
5. There are people around to help. And also a loving father in heaven, to help us stay calm and focused and able to accomplish those things that once seemed impossible.

Good week.

2011-05-13T12:38:00.000-06:00

So it was my birthday this past week. I had nothing really thrilling planned, however I was determined to have a good day. I purchased ridiculous decorations and this awesome cardboard imagine thing ----> Don't you love it? Everyone participated! Also I started a new tradition for my dads birthday month back, "Birthday Pinatas!" I completely decapitated the unicorn! It was such a great night with the people I love the most around me laughing and having fun! The majority of the day was pretty calm, but I felt so happy and grateful for so many wonderful people in my life.

Each year on my birthday I go back and think what was the main thing that I had learned in the past year. I make a yearly journal posting. This year however, was different. I felt that I should instead reflect on who I've become as a whole over these past 20 some odd years of my life. It was quite a unique experience. I mainly focused on the things I've overcome. Mentally, physically, and mostly spiritually. It also helped point out to me the areas I still need to work on. Those things that haven't really changed compared to all the things that have. Life truly is an amazing thing. We start out as these little beings not knowing a thing, and have the potential to become, well whatever we want. It's kind of thrilling if you think about it. And thanks to wonderful people and a merciful Father in Heaven we can truly become better each day.

Comfort foods.

2011-05-07T09:57:00.000-06:00

Well I've discovered what my true comfort foods are...
I've always loved dark chocolate! LOVE IT! Give it to me anytime and I'm good.
But after a very annoying experience on Thursday morning I've discovered that the two things I want when things go bad are cereal, Quaker brand cereals, and sugar free ice cream. Delish I know! But seeing as sugar is really really bad for me I didn't feel I had a choice. Let's just say I'm grateful for a full bowl full of Crunchy Corn Bran and Oatmeal Squares. Nothing calms the soul quicker. :)
Oh maybe cheese melted onto a piece of bread... that's good too.
Or a yummy hot fudge ice cream sundae (not realistic)
Or a delish fro yo! (that's for you Rach. And yes I saved oodles of time by abbreving it. Even your name.)
CAKE I love cake! It doesn't love me.
Pizza... give me pizza with a whole wheat crust and I am a happy woman.
Mexican food! Popusas are to die for but they are from El Salvador.
Omelets... love love love omelets. I feel that there is not a thing bad about them.
Artic Circle Raspberry shake or Stake and Shakes Dark Chocolate Shake... Mouth watering.

What was this post about again?

Bloggers Block

2011-05-02T14:12:00.000-06:00

I think I am suffering from Bloggers Block... Oh yes it's a real thing. Sometimes I have all these ideas flowing through my head and I just want to share but today.... nothing really is coming. Well nothing I feel should be shared.
La di da di da...See nothing!
I'm car shopping... but that's not very exciting.
I'm in finals week... but that's really not very exciting.
I've decided to run barefoot... on my treadmill at least. I actually quite like it. But you probably don't want to read about that either.
There is a hawk in our neighborhood that is snatching up small dogs and large birds...My kitty better be safe! So I don't want to talk about that.
The neighbors put a bunch of branches under the pine trees that line our yards to keep my niece and I from playing under them... I'll stop there.
My cousin now sits right next to me at work. Which I love! But you don't care about that...
I can't seem to get rid of former guy friends... Look just because I'm single doesn't mean I want to date you!... Probably shouldn't talk about that.
I could talk on an on about the Gospel and how much happier I am when the Lord is apart of my day! I just notice that a day when I can spend time with the Lord on my own, in a group, with my family and friends nothing can pull me down.
Okay I'm good now.

Have a nice day! I hope the sun is shinning where you are too! I love the Sun and the Son for that matter. Both bring so much light and life to everything!

Mediocrity... I think not!

2011-04-29T14:44:00.002-06:00

I heard some say recently that most people are mediocre. When I heard this I thought it was pretty harsh. But I think he was right. He then went on and said that the the definition of 'talents' needed to be altered.
I liked this thought.
What are you good at? Immediately we think of artistic or athletic things. Something that can be viewed or measured. Something to receive praise for. Well maybe you don't but I do.
tal·ent –noun 1. a special natural ability or aptitude
So what are your talents? I believe we've all got them. First think of the things you are good at, then think a bit deeper. I used to think that it was prideful to think I was good at things. But a dear friend pointed out that it's when we start comparing ourselves to others that it turns to pride. That helped me a lot. I learned it really is such a good thing to recognize those things that we are good at or have a special natural ability or aptitude for. The Lord thinks so too.

Matthew 25
15 And unto one he ^agave five ^btalents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability;
In the story we know how the one servant with five went and multiplied it and the one with two also multiplied his talents that he was given. I think this is very hopeful because there are a lot of things that I want to be able to do and be good at. I want to be more patient and I want to be a better student, I also want to learn about photography. So no matter what we've been given we can always add to it. But like the one servant who hid his talent if we don't even recognize those great things about us, there isn't much hope for increase?
So as many of us may feel mediocre I say that we have many talents that aren't mediocre, and the great part is that we can gain more!

Here are some I've noticed in others....
My mom: She's amazing with children. They never doubt that she loves them. Which I never have.
My dad: Honesty. I've always said he's the only honest lawyer out there.
My sis-in-law: Kindness
My big brother: Naturally brilliant. He was reading the newspaper at 2!
My other big brother: Apologizing... I hated this at first. But it's something I'm trying to pick up.
My uncle: being silly!
My bestie: Giving service.

And just to list two friend I know for sure will read this...
Jen: Most courageous person I know.
Melinda: Lives life to the fullest.

What are your talents?

Today in History...

2011-04-29T12:59:00.000-06:00

Well in my history at least.
So two years ago today, April 29th I received my call to serve in the Texas Dallas Mission. For those of you who have experienced that thrill that is receiving a mission call you'll understand, but to help others I'll try and explain how it feels.
To explain how weird it is, from the date you put in your papers and the day you open your call, it's just bizarre.You begin to realize you could go ANYWHERE in the whole entire world. I wont lie, I wanted to go somewhere 'cool' even if it was in the states. I wanted badly to learn a language. Preferably Chinese.So it's really really weird just waiting to find out where you will fall in love with. Because I've never met a returned missionary that didn't love their mission.
So I got my call and waited for my family to be home. Now my brother did it completely opposite. When he got his call, he went into the basement and then came up and told us individually. He made me guess... Finland was not one of my guesses. So ten years later as I'm getting mine, he told me he regretted not opening it with family, he was just afraid to to show any disappointment. So I waited. Well that evening we gathered together and I opened it up and pull out this booklet thingy... yes I left the call letter in there. So it took me awhile to figure out where I was going. But finally I saw "Texas Dallas Mission." All I thought was ... "Okay, I'm going to Texas.' And before I opened it this is the last place I wanted to go. But when I got my call that's not how I felt. No disappointment at all, just acceptance.
And now it's been two years since that night and I look back and am elated that I got to go to Dallas. I'll list a few reasons why it was so good for me
1. I got to speak English. I taught a lesson my first night. What a blessing.
2. It is close. I get to go back and visit very easily.
3. Living in Utah a lot of people come to visit! It's such a blessing.
The Lord knows me so much better than I know myself. He knows how important it is for me to communicate with others and have people I love close to me. I feel so blessed to have served the people in Dallas.
One of which is having a birthday today. My dear friend Sarah. Sarah and I met a little over a year ago and instantly knew that we were friends. She's such an amazing woman I am so grateful for her friendship I know she will be a strength to me the rest of my life. Happy Birthday Sarah I love you!
I sometimes I am just in awe of life and where it has taken me... or not taken me. I have had many plans for my life, but none of them included a mission. I'm so grateful for the Lords hand in my life. I love simply love where I'm at, who I am, and knowing who I can become.

Fun Filled Easter

2011-04-25T08:00:00.001-06:00

So I had a wonderful Easter Sunday. I woke up and thought "I'm going to make today a good day."
My day was full of things that start with the letter F... Faith, Fun, Fancy, Food, Family, Fussy, Frolicking, Frills, Fur, Fox, and Fumidancid. I shall now explain all.

Faith: I went to hear my uncle speak about the Atonement and he shared how we always need to have hope that the Savior would come. No matter how bad circumstances get, we need to remain hopeful in his saving power.
Fun: My mom and I dyed eggs yesterday. When we were almost done she said, "let's see which ones need help. Oh this one is really ugly!" Me: "That's mine." Mom: "Oh...oops." She was right it wasn't the best. Then my dad came down and wanted to eat one and we told him to eat the ugliest one. In my mind I'm thinking of mine. He says, "Well I'm not sure which one to choose then." In jest of course. In the end he chose my 'ugly' one.
Fancy: I got to wear my new sandals finally! And at church my mom, cousin and I all complimented each others shoes when my cousin said, "We're all just fancy today."
Food: My mom and I made a yummy ham dinner. I ate a lot of it.
Family: It was just my parents and I this year for Easter, but we invited my uncle and two cousins to come too. This boosted the day. We always have so much FUN together. I love being with my family. We really have a strong bond, they are some of my dearest friends.
Fussy: This goes for two instances. One was the 3 year old sitting behind me in church...I was reminded why I loved student wards so much. And the other was my 2 1/2-year-old niece. Man was she a a piece of work. We only saw her for about 20 minutes...her other side of the family got to deal with her the rest of the night. When it's time for her to go she's started saying, "No! I have to go to work!" We're not sure what her job is. But it sounds vitally important.
Frolicking: this is just to reference the Easter bunny, not the fact that I frolicked around the house like a bunny...Not at all!
Frills: My mom made my niece an Easter dress with cute frills on it! Frills meaning ruffles. But that doesn't start with F.
Fur: Again Easter bunny reference.
Fox: We watched "Robin Hood" while decorating eggs. And this most definitely was not the time that I did not frolick around while singing 'robin hood and little john.' ... Ooodelalee!
Fumidancid: This is a word I made up. Not sure of it's meaning... Whoever can come up with the best definition will recieve a fro yo date with me! Or if you live out of state I'll mail you five dollars so you can go get your own. It will also include a letter from me where you can fill in the conversation so it's like you had a fro yo date with me.

All in all it was a great day.

To you this Easter:

2011-04-23T08:25:00.001-06:00

My Dear Savior:
In light of the Easter season I thought I could write you.
Tears come to my eyes now as I try to convey in words my feelings about this event we call Easter. Although this holiday has become colorful and filled with eggs and bunny rabbits I try and recall the events that led up to this glorious day.
When I reflect on the beginning of your sacrifice, the Atonement, I recall the scripture in Luke 22: 41-44
41And he was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed,

42Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.
43And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.
44And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

At this moment you willing took upon yourself the sins of the world. Our sins, the things that separet us from you and the Father. In these words I see that this was not something easy for you, you in fact asked for it to end. But your humility in submitting to the will of the Father shows how much you truly love us all. Then in your plea, the Father sent you an angel that strengthened you. Even you, the Son of God needed help and strength to fulfill this task. But what is truly beautiful to me is the next verse it says 'in an agony' you 'prayed more earnestly.' This angel didn't take away anything did it? The angel did not 'remove the cup' but in essence gave you the strength to preserve. Thank you! Thank you for that example of faith and courage and charity to do that which seems impossible.
I will not in detail go through the events of the next day. The betrayal, trial, whippings, mocking, ridicule, and lastly your final task of hanging on the cross...Again...why you did this for me I'll probably never fully understand in this life. But in 3 Nephi 27:14 you state your purpose,
14 And my Father sent me that I might be ^alifted up upon the ^bcross; and after that I had been lifted up upon the ^ccross, that I might ^ddraw all men unto me...

For the short time I got to be a missionary, this is what I got to help you do. 'draw all men unto' you...I was honored to be apart of your work and purpose, and I thank you for the countless times that you sent angels to me to strengthen me in difficult times.

So as I reflect on Easter and the resurrection, what really fills me with gratitude is your life, example, and love for me. I know I fall short so often of what you know I can be. I try hard each day to live up to who I can be. Who you know I can be. Because I know there will be a day when I am in your presence once more, and at that day the only thing I wish to know is that I never took advantage of that which you did for me. I want to make it worth it, all that you suffered for. Because no matter how hard life gets, I know that there will be a day when I get to see you again. I imagine that day, falling at your feet, and the feeling of relief, and peace filling me...no matter how difficult it all gets here, I know that being there, with you will make it all worth it.

I love you. I hope that through the way I live my life you see that. Because never will I be able to repay you for what you did. But I pray that each day I can show you my gratitude by living more like you each day.

Much love.
Me.

Help Motivation Help!

2011-04-22T15:09:00.000-06:00

Motivation! I need your help! The Procrastinator is back! He's so sneaky! I don't even really notice him. You know it's like, one afternoon sitting on the couch and then BAM! POW! WHAM! He's got me! At that point it's too late! I shutter to think of what he'd do if he knew I was contacting you. Please can do you anything?! I know you're probably out helping so many other people, I mean it is the end of the semester. But I need you! You've seen The Procrastinator and what he can do! Yuck he's just awful and there is no happiness at all related to him. I need rescuing! Please Motivation! Please! Isn't there something you can do?!
I hope this gets to you!

Me.

More fun for girls!

2011-04-20T11:40:00.001-06:00

So I really think I've got the coolest friends.
Remember my friend Jen I told you about? 'My Friend Jen'
Well she's simply the coolest and she's doing a give away right now for a gift certificate for Sephora. Go here Writing Like I Am Popular and check out the rules. It's super easy.

Now I'm not a big makeup person but I thought maybe some of you would like to know about it. It's open to all and everyone.

Enjoy!

Ladies! Check this out!

2011-04-20T11:19:00.002-06:00

Okay so I'm totally bragging about my new shoes that I got yesterday!
I was introduced to this local company through my friends blog. Styled By 3 They had a contest for a free pair of shoes from christensens shoes. Well I didn't win the contest, but now they have a deal where if you enter the styledby3 promo code you get $10 off each pair of shoes! And shipping was like $3. And they are located out of St. George!

I love my new shoes. I need to now make reasons to go out and wear them. But I wanted to share in the wonderfulness that is this company! I hope you can find something you like and then get $10 off! It's legit!

Oh and I forgot, they sent me 20% off coupon too!

Love it!

Why families?

2011-04-16T11:42:00.002-06:00

You know there was a time when I thought it would just be better to be single the rest of my life. It wasn't out of selfishness but out of fear and a lack of faith on my part. However a lot has changed over the years.
A woman in her 70's was talking about how there might be a possibility of her having liver cancer. She said that she was so tired of fighting her health that she was done. But after her many exhausted reasons for not wanting to go through more health procedures, she sighed and said "what scares me the most is that I wont be able to see my granddaughter perform. I don't care about me anymore. I just want to be there for her." I met another women in her 50's battling leukemia and she said the same thing. Others came to mind and how they have had very difficult lives, but the minute they are able to do something for their children or grandchildren their whole countenance changes.
This I thought is the reason the Father puts us in families. Because life is difficult and sometimes it just can be overwhelming. So instead of making our lives all about us, so that all we think about is ourselves, the Lord puts within us this desire to have children and families so that as life goes on we have a reason to keep fighting. When the motivation is based on love for others one can do anything! How else would Christ have been able to endure all that he did, had he not had his focus been on us?
Just a thought that makes me so grateful for my family and grateful for the opportunity to have a family of my own. Not right now... just in general. :)

Dear Utah Football:

2011-04-16T11:25:00.000-06:00

Hello old friend! It's been a few months but today (hopefully if I get off work on time) we'll be reunited.
Remember all the good times we've had? I'm trying to remember all the times we've traveled together. New Orleans was by far the most exciting. Michigan, remember how surprised we were that I got to go?! The Poinsettia Bowl in '07 was fun, and the Emerald Bowl in 05 was a good win too! Las Vegas... luckily we don't have to go there again. But looks like we'll be stepping back in the Rose Bowl more frequently. The only highlight to that night was me getting to go on the field. But through it all you've always been there!
I hope you feel the same about me. I mean I was there in person for 'the pass', and when we hit the upright, and the TCU. I know I know. It was rough. But I couldn't leave you alone during that. But I was also there in person, when we lost count of Max Halls interceptions! Remember that? HA! That was tight! We were laughing so hard. And we've watched some great players go onto the NFL. Don't you miss Weddle? And good old P. Kruger! (Sigh) And what we wouldn't give to have Louie back!

Football.... there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. . . I think, well, I think that I've changed. Now don't be sad. You still have so many great fans. Somethings just changed... Now don't worry we'll still see one another. I'll be at all the home games. I might even be coming to see you in your first PAC 12 debut! So see I still love you. But, I don't know it's just different. I hope you'll understand. It's hard to explain. It's not anything you've done. I promise, it's not you, it's me! Honestly! I'll always be here to support you. You'll just find that I may no longer be able to rattle off crazy statistics or players off the top of my head. Again it's nothing personal... It's me.

I'll always bleed red!
Much Love.
Me.

Drawers...

2011-04-15T09:17:00.001-06:00

So I feel like saying that I lost something this week, but I didn't really lose it. I just chose to shut the drawer on it and focus on other things. I can't even recall what caused me to close the drawer...but regardless I had.
I think of my mind in these terms. A decent sized room... maybe the size of a average bedroom. Filled from floor to ceiling with drawers. Kind of like a filling cabinet idea, but they are not all the same size. There is a drawer for each aspect of my life. School, work, family, hobbies, friends, but it's more specific than that. Each hobbie has a drawer, and each class I'm taking, and each family member. Depending on it's importance and longevity in my life, this effects the size and how far back the drawer goes. So each night while I lay in bed I go into "my room" and close drawers. Some remain open, but only the things worth thinking about. This helps me fall asleep.

So this past week I had a lot of drawers opened up and get added to.
School. My car broke. Chronic health issues. Boys.

But along with all these drawers being opened I realize now I closed a very important one.

My hope drawer.
This drawer is usually open, or being added to. I am usually pretty optimistic about things. But I must have gotten distracted and lost sight of it. And for some reason when drawers like this close it triggers the depressed drawer to automatically opened... I need to check into that.
Here is what I know of hope. Hope is the end goal. Faith is what keeps me moving forward toward this unseen end goal. This can apply to anything. Eternal life with my Father in Heaven is the ultimate goal, but every day things can fit in this as well. I hope to get into grad school. I hope to do well in school. But just wanting those things isn't enough. Steven Snow, an apostle stated, "Hope can inspire dreams and spur us to realize those dreams. Hope alone, however, does not cause us to succeed. Many honorable hopes have gone unfulfilled, shipwrecked on the reefs of good intentions and laziness."
Action is everything. Action towards an unseen event or goal is simply faith. So therefore hope without faith is nothing. Looks like I need to add a lot more to my Hope drawer. It wasn't as full as I thought. And all a drawer requires to keep it in order is action.
This drawer analogy for my thoughts really helps put into perspective what's important in my life. Drawers like Hope, go on forever. There is no back to them. But my school drawer, though it's pretty big, has a back to it. And the dating drawer, although small, most definitely has a back to it!
You know what's also cool! I can create drawers. Drawers I had never thought would be apart of this 'room.' That's the beauty of this life. I am in control of who I want to be and become. I find that beautiful and exciting! In sight of this I've started to purge thoughts to make room for new thoughts and things. I went through one night and purged all the movies I wished I had never seen. I've got this awesome shredder in the floor of "my room", so I just pull out the thought and get rid of it. (You may think I'm crazy. But it has worked.)

Hope drawer opened... Check.
Depressed drawer closed... Check

Farewell

2011-04-11T09:38:00.000-06:00

The Church is reorganizing all the singles/student wards in the church and mine will see it's effects this next month so in dedication to my beloved 6th Ward,

University 6th Ward, University 5th Stake, Salt Lake City Utah
Unknown-May 1st 2011

I owe a lot to this Ward and the people in it. Four years ago I was, as called in LDS culture, "ward hopping." I didn't fit in my family ward, and I tried all the singles/student wards around my house. But I just wasn't feeling good about it.
My former bishop of my family ward was assigned to a student ward up at the U. In August I saw him and asked him details about his ward. So I went, and after the first meeting I knew it's where I should be. I felt comfortable and included right away.
As I look back I recognize how much of an influence being in this ward at this time in my life helped shape who I am and the choices I made. Because my former bishop knew me so well, he recommended I serve in a calling that would get me to more involved. So immediately I got to know the members and made new friends.
But all in all, three major things happened that have forever altered my life.
1st. I gained a new respect and appreciation for women in the church. I was surrounded by these amazing girls who had accomplished so much and I admired them and all their accomplishments.
2nd. Along with the first, they all had one thing in common... They were returned missionaries. This began a desire to form within me.
3rd. So along with that when my wonderful Bishop followed the inspiration from the spirit to ask me in a time of choices if I had thought of serving a mission, well I realize now how much the Lord was preparing me to serve him.
These three things all influenced the next. Had I not joined the ward due to a great former bishop, I wouldn't have found the ward that would unite me with a new bishop that I would become close to and feel I can go to in times of confusion. Who would then, help me in a very hard but very great decision that I have never once regretted.
So University 6th ward, thank you for shaping my life. A life I never imagined but am so happy with. Because of this ward, I have wonderful friends and more importantly a stronger testimony that the Lord truly knows us and prepares us for things to come.

How to:

2011-04-09T09:09:00.001-06:00

How to get a two and a half year old to do what you want.
(Well it worked for me at least and the circumstances may vary.)

So yesterday evening I had the great privilege of spending time with my niece.
The evening was full of running around, watching 'the little mermaid', and playing with her toys. Near the end of our time together we built a fort and she wanted ALL her toys to come with us into the fort. Now this is fine, no big deal. We can clean up toys. She proceeded to pull out the puzzles and dump them on the floor. I asked, "will you help me clean those up?" "Yes!" Was her chipper, immediate response. So we played for awhile and she got bored, so I wanted to clean up the room before her parents got home.
Earlier, She pulled out this horribly ugly straw hat that sits really low on your head and covers your eyes... very scarecrow like. She placed it on my head and smiled. I had taken it off a few times and she kept wanting me to wear it. Well at this point I took off the hat and asked her to help me with the puzzles. Her reply, without recognition of my request, "No. I want hat on." As she reached to put the hat on my head. I stopped her and said. "Well I want you to help me with the puzzles." Again she said, 'I want hat on." This was said in a sweet little whimper of a voice. I retaliated in a very childish pout of a voice, "I want you to help with the puzzles." She began to fake cry, "Hat on please?" I said, "Yes, I will wear the hat if you will help me with the puzzles." We had to do this a few more times, but finally it clicked and she moved around the chair and began putting the puzzles together and the ugly straw hat was on my head.
It was a miracle! This little girl is so stubborn and she submitted and we had fun while doing it. And she got plenty of praise as well. She loves praise! :)

My sis-in-law and I had a conversation awhile back about a parents relationship to their child and ours with our Father in Heaven. She recalled the period of time where she was advised to no longer pick up my niece when crying at night. To let her cry herself to sleep because she needed to learn to sleep through the night. And how your roll as a parents changes as the child grows. Your relationship with them has to alter for them to grow. We talked about how it's the same thing as our Father to us, his children. Maybe at one time he answered our prayers in a heart beat. But then he sees how we are growing and there are things that we need to add upon that, so sometimes he doesn't come right when we call him because he's knows what's best. But just as the young mother aches when her baby is crying from the next room, she knows it's better to let her adjust so she listens to the sadness without being able to do anything. Our Father most assuredly must too ache when we are in a time of pain and sadness. He knows that it will pass. That in the end, we'll be better for it. Sometimes, He's merciful enough to be persistent in the lessons He wants me to learn. Even if it takes me years to submit to His will. If only it was as simple as a silly straw hat and puzzles. = )
No wonder we're built to create families, and that it's sanctioned by the Father. How else would we be able to better understand our relationship with him?

Dear Dating:

2011-04-07T19:51:00.002-06:00

Dear Dating:
I'm sure you are aware but many of us young folk haven't been to involved with you lately. It's getting pretty bad actually. Now I know I know, I haven't always been supportive of you myself. And you get a lot of flack from friends of mine, "I hate dating!" I mean now that's just harsh. I always have responded with, "I'm not familiar with dating enough to know." But here is where I think the problems lies, not with you, but with how us young folks have changed our view of you.
Back in the day you were far more simple and easy to understand. You seemed so simple in all the movies. You were simply a date. NOW.... Well gosh. You get involved even once with a male and female and everything goes crazy! Both parties start freaking out! Where did this misconception begin that you are something to fear? Or even freak out about? Some people get so nervous and excited about you. No offence you're great and all. But do you like being taken so seriously? Wouldn't you rather people just view you as what you are? A fun opportunity to get to know someone new? And hey, if by chance people want to make you a regular part of their relationship, well dog gone it! That's wonderful!
I wonder too, if we'd all feel differently if we better understood your purpose... Marriage. I know that helped me a lot. Remember when I used to avoid you at all costs? I'm sorry. It was nothing personal, just personl issues I had to work out. I had to figure myself out first before getting involved with you. But your purpose is actually pretty great. But sadly I think many of us are afraid of you and this thing called marriage that you lead to. All it takes is a little faith right?
A wise person recently told me that, anyone who avoids good things aren't bad in any way. They are just avoiding experience. And why else are we here in this life, but to have experience? So why, why, Dating are so many people so afraid of you? All you are is experience. Experience that can teach us and help us to grow. So what if through you we get hurt? Aren't we also opening up opportunities to be happy? Everything is a chance. Everything in life takes faith. Even you.
So dating I guess all I'm trying to say, is sorry. Sorry you've gotten such a bad rap. Sorry that a lot of people are avoiding you. Sorry that you are made out to be something way more than you really are. Dating I'll do my best to make sure others don't put you down anymore or avoid you... Well I'll just do my part to not avoid you. I don't really have too much control. Agency always seems to be around... Maybe you two can have a chat. :)
Hope things start to look up!

Sincerely

Me.

Thanks

2011-04-02T12:14:00.000-06:00

Today I express my thanks for the Internet. Because of you Internet I was able to listen to the entire first session of General Conference while at work. (Don't worry I'm allowed to do things online while waiting for phone calls.)
I am also in awe at the power of the spirit. I'm sitting here in a tiny, cream colored cubicle, with nothing around me of significance, and yet while I sit and listen to the words of those called of God to serve us and teach us I am able to feel the spirit and hear the whisperings of his voice. So that I may know what to work on to be more effective in helping build the Lords kingdom on this Earth.
It's a weird feeling when you hear from those ordained of God telling you what to do better and what to work on. Part of me is in remorse for the things that I fall short on every single day, but then the Lord comes in with his kindness and love and feels me with peace that with him all things are possible. With reassurance that all the things I am trying so hard to do, have an eternal effect on me and his kingdom.
I have a difficult time expressing in words my feelings about this gospel. When I try to think of things to describe how I feel about it, my chest just feels with this warm pressure and I want to yell out in gratitude.
Answers are available and peace only comes through the Savior Jesus Christ.

To the Sonic worker that makes my morning...

2011-04-02T07:14:00.001-06:00

Dear Sonic Employee:
Thank you so much for you exuberance in the mornings while you hold that sign that I'm guessing says 'turn in here for a delicious sonic treat!' I have never actually read your sign. Even though I see you twice a week at 8:20 in the morning, I only am watching you. I can only imagine the music you have playing on your ipod that makes you move like that. I believe one morning you had on some music that inspired you to do the cha cha. You weren't bad in fact. Did they hire you for your dancing skills? Or was that just something you added to the position?
I hope Sonic is paying you well...Come to think of it, they would probably pay you more if when I actually saw your amazing display of the above mentioned sign, I turned into Sonic. Well until then, keep dancing.
Sincerely
Me

Blogging! It's completly legit!

2011-04-01T15:21:00.001-06:00

So whoever decided to start making blogging freaking LEGIT you're awesome! I've got some of the coolest friends who like to do giveaways! Here is another one for you! My awesome friends, Liz, T, and Nat have a style blog. They are doing a thrift challenge right now but also have an awesome shoe giveaway going on. I've known these girls my whole entire life! Litterally! Well Nat and I didn't meet until she was born. But I love them all dearly! So check out their awesome blog and enter to get a pair of way fun cute shoes!

http://styledby3.blogspot.com/

No work No posts

2011-03-29T20:50:00.001-06:00

So turns out when I'm not at work I don't think about blogging... And I didn't work the past week because I got to go back to Dallas this past weekend.
It was wonderful!
Now if it wasn't for the many many people that I know and love there now I don't know why Dallas would be a vacation destination. Although sitting by the pool in 80 degree weather the end of March was pretty freaking fantastic. However come May when they are hitting the high nineties and it doesn't get cool till like November... not as appealing.
I got to witness two beautiful 8 year old children get baptized on Saturday. They are from two separate families that I taught while serving in Heath, TX. The parents were baptized last year and now here, these two children are getting to be raised in the Gospel with all the blessing attached. I was so happy for them and I realized how truly eternal this gospel is and how everything we are asked to do is truly for our eternal good and progress. It's truly beautiful. I was so honored to be there.
It was a very short trip but a great weekend seeing family... Because now it really is a second home.

p.s. just in case you ever have to fly in or out of Denver... Turbulence is crazy. I have been on a plane a fare amount of times and never have I let out a yell of fear while being in turbulence. Most of the cabin joined me, we then proceeded to laugh at ourselves.

No room for southern manners in the west...

2011-03-21T11:07:00.001-06:00

So after living in TX for some time I picked up just a few phrases that have become every day conversation. There are some I refuse to use. Fixin...as in 'I'm fixin to go the the store.' Why do you need to fix anything? And even though I throw a 'y'all' in there every once in awhile, you'll never hear me say 'all y'all' isn't that why your saying y'all. To imply that you're referring to everyone?
However I did like everyone saying 'yes ma'am and yes sir.' I don't know when I started saying it out there but it's stuck. I say it all the time. Even to people younger than me. I don't mean it to imply I think you're an old man or woman. It's just now what goes along with yes when I answer a question. I guess females aren't offended by this because they haven't said anything. But yesterday after church this mid-twenties single male asked me a question and I, through habit responded, "yes, sir." He said, "Okay. And don't ever call me sir again." I was a bit taken back. I don't mean to offend at all. But for some reason he didn't like it. I said, "Sorry, it's a Texas thing. It just comes out." The same thing happened about a month and a half ago. I was asked a question at rehearsal and I replied "yes, sir" to a 50 something male and he said "thank you and don't ever call me sir again."
Both instances I've just been in shock. Thinking, "I'm trying to be polite. I'm sorry you don't like that."
So one day when you ask me a question and I reply with a 'yes, ma'am' or 'yes, sir' please know that I mean to only show you respect, not imply that you're old.

Naah. . .

2011-03-19T08:35:00.000-06:00

So yesterday I reflected on how often I say to myself, "Naahh, I'll just do this." Here is a simple example of the benefits of giving in.
So I had made plans to spend time at the temple yesterday after work. When I got to the temple I noticed that the wait time for the initiatory ordinance was non-existent. I thought this was weird and the thought came to mind to go and participate in that. I then proceeded to argue with myself all the way to the lockers. I thought "No, I have time today I should do an endowment session." 'No, go do initiatories.' "No I should do this[endowment] today, although it would be nice to get home sooner. But should that be my motivation? No, I'll do an endowment." 'You could do initiatories and be home sooner.' . . . This was the conversation with myself. This is not the first time I find myself debating within myself. I've learned far too many times that I always regret not listening to those thoughts placed in my head. So I picked up my bag closed the locker and walked over to the initiatories.
So once I got all settled I started thinking "okay so what great thing am I going to get out of this? Some new insight or some revelation about myself? An answer to prayers maybe?" I was very excited. Well, none of those things happened. I still was uplifted and very happy upon leaving but I didn't feel there was any significance to me participating in that ordinance yesterday.
I arrived home and my dad said, "We're going out to dinner with Annie and Kelley, do you want to come?" I accepted and asked when we'd be leaving, he said 5 minutes. The night merely consisted of going to training table and making sure my niece was provided for and entertained. The night was not all together life changing but there was a moment that I will never forget, something I had not experienced yet.
My niece was going 'potty' and after she was done her mom told her that we were all going to dinner. She ran out in her pink sheer princess skirt without putting her pants back on. So with bare bum and pink skirt my almost 2 and 1/2 year old niece runs out of the bathroom yelling, 'Cami!' and leaps into my arms and gives me a big hug! Then her mom advised her to get her pants on. So she ran into her room got her pants and ran back to me with pants in hand once again jumping into my arms smiling from ear to ear. A tender mercy if I've ever seen one. That right there was good enough reason for me to stop arguing with myself and listen.
Why do I do this? I've thought about this many times but I realized this morning that it's hard for me to change my mind and go about doing something when I don't know why I'm doing it or what the outcome will be. So basically two things are interfering with my obedience to these kind whisperings. First my pride, me thinking that my plan is better, and second, my faith not being strong enough to just move forward not knowing why. I remember teaching someone once who was looking for a big booming voice to come out of the heavens and proclaim truth to him. He realized quickly that if it was a big booming voice how much easier it would be do act. There would be no reason for faith. We would never question.
So I suppose the questioning is okay for me to do... I just need to work on telling myself to shut up and go with that first impression. Because at the other end, there might be a little two year old just dying to see you.

Wisdom from the Elderly

2011-03-18T10:54:00.000-06:00

So this story I'm about to share happened months ago but has now become one of my favorite memories of my grandfather.
We were visiting him as a family for his 85th birthday. Near the end of the visit his wife, asked me if I was dating anyone? And if there were any cute boys in my life. I replied with the usual response. "Nope. Boys don't ask me out on dates." * My grandfather then looks at me and asks, "Well, are you wearing dirty makeup?"
This is the moment I guffawed with laughter. Here this 85 year old man asking his granddaughter if she wears dirty makeup, implying that would get her more dates! Now the first reaction when I tell this story is people ask, "What is dirty makeup?" Well people I don't really know. But I'm assuming we can put along the lines of trashy makeup. He's 85 for goodness sake he doesn't know our lingo.
I told my grandpa that I would always remember he said that. While laughing he said, "please, please don't remember that."
Now my mom will ask me before I leave to a social event, "Do you have your dirty makeup on?" Apparently ladies that's all we need to do.

*disclaimer: this statement was not included to induce sympathy. Just stating the facts of the conversation.

Sitting

2011-03-14T15:11:00.001-06:00

So the other day as I was driving home from work and I thought to myself . . ."where are we all going?" I know that I am headed home so that I can lie down before I have to leave again. But what about everyone else? Are we all just racing home from a job where we just sat for 8 hours in front of a computer to get home and sit down on the couch? I merely found it comical how we are so quick to get places just to sit down again. I mean aren't we sitting in our cars too!
I realize now this take further reflection. Come to think of it why do we sit so much? Who invented the chair? Was this person a genius or someone that has molded us into a species that can't stand for long periods of time? Is it a way to confine us to a space for an allotted amount of time? I think it's time for an alternative. I've seen people sit on those exercise balls instead of chairs. Supposed to be good for your back, or your abs, or your butt or something. Maybe we should all look into kneeling! Or just raise our desks to waist height. Then we could stand all day! Now that would make sense to race home on the freeways so we'd be able to sit down!
Hmmm... not sure I'll ever be able to get to the bottom of this. Perhaps I'll sit on it for awhile.

My Friend Jen...

2011-03-14T07:50:00.001-06:00

Do you have a friend that without fail will say something that shocks you every time you see them?
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Do you have a friend that had a childhood crush on Harold Ramis, aka Egon from Ghostbusters?
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Do you have a friend that knows all of the 'best' places around town?
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Do you have a friend that can teach you all about 'the big doll house?'
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Do you have a friend that is an expert on Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Do you have a friend that is writing the Best New Musical of the Year? To include the new hit song, "Horse Bra?"
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Do you have a friend that in spite of feeling inadequate will step up, work hard and prove to 100's of people that she can do something she'd never done before.
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Do you have a friend that is exceptional at showing others how much she loves and cares about them?
I do. . . Her name is Jen.

Patience...

2011-03-12T14:42:00.001-07:00

"Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious."(PMG pg. 120) This brief description of patience changed my life.
How many times do you hear, 'I'm praying for patience.' Well don't do that! Because then you'll be put in a situation that causes you to use it!! I've been thinking a lot about how my patience is being tested. It was for sure tested on the mission...many times. But in real life every day we are faced with opportunities to enlarge our capacity to have more patience.
I was looking over this definition again the other day and I recognized that I've gotten a lot better at not getting angry in a lot of situations. Not all. But I realized I'm still way behind on the frustration and anxious side of using my patience. While serving I found a good trick to help with patience, was to recognize those times I felt, angry, frustrated or anxious and then simply remind myself to not feel that way. To not fuel those natural feelings. It was like a miracle! I found that the more I asked the Lord to help me recognize the moments I was feeling angry, frustrated or anxious, the more I remembered to use patience. This inevitably enlarges that capacity mentioned above, that helps us to endure delay, trouble, opposition, and suffering.
So now that I realize that I'm not doing so good on the frustrating and anxious front, I'm going to be careful on how I pray for help in those areas.
Like someone said ... "patience is a virtue."

Be of good cheer...

2011-03-11T08:52:00.001-07:00

So for my job I have down time between phone calls. Immediatly I'm welcomed by msnbc and their coverage of the tsunami in Japan. I like my job being able to keep me up to date on news and what's goind on. But I'm afraid it causes a greater sense of reality for me. Last month Christchurch, New Zealand suffered a large earthquake. There story written on a college student and how she was able to text her family just after it happened. The story had her text conversation to her month. Asking for help and expressing fear. Her family lived in Africa, and her last text asked them to hurray. She was not recovered.
Then today I was watching footage of the huge wave of water spiling into cities of Japan and I saw a car driving on a highway to get away from the wave that was bounding towards them.
Not only does my heart go out to all those effected but I was very effected by these two instances. I put myself in both those situations. Suffocating to death, alone, while texting my mom. And watching as a wave of water destroys my home town and coming at me, possiby sweeping me up any minute. The fear would be overwhelming.
I thought, 'what would I be able to hold onto so as not panic and remain calm? The only thing that came to mind were the words of our Savior, 'Be of good cheer and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you..."(Doc.&Cov. 68:6) as well as in the book of Joshua the lord repeats to the prophet, "only be strong and of a good courage."

Reasons why 'Hairspray' is so good.

2011-03-02T16:09:00.006-07:00

NO I'm not about to argue why 'Hairspray' is a wonderful musical, but more so explain why our production at Centerpoint Legacy Theatre is so good. These are just a few things you probably wont see if you come... But trust me they make the show what it is!
At the beginning of the night we begin with hair and makeup. This consists of a time of ratting ones hair to inexplicable heights and dancing in our pre-costume clothing to anything but Justin Beiber and Coldplay. Discussion on what happened on Glee, and The Real Housewives of what not and more television shows I know nothing about, this continues until someone says something like 'My grandpa was a Nazi.' this then draws our attention away from the current topic.
We then all convene in the 'green room,' no it's not green. If you're lucky you'll get to hear things like 'Father, help us to blow the audiences minds tonight with our singing and dancing.' during a prayer.
Then I walk my fellow council girl to our hiding places during 'Good Morning Baltimore' where we continue to perform our own choreography and make faces at fellow actors, on our platforms that could fall over at any moment with too much movement.
Then the moment comes when we are revealed to the audience in all our glory. Little do you know, that all we are thinking about is how not to fall off and break our leg! But we sure do look cute!
If anyone has any ideas on how one can comment on a butterfly pin that moves, I'm stuck on 'I really like your butterfly pin.' or 'I hate your butterfly pin.' I've used both for the same scene. Don't worry this wont be heard by the audience, just two other council girls.
At the conclusion of the first act we freeze mid action, I go as fast as I can offstage to avoid freezing awkwardly on stage. Sometimes, Velma and I make it....Sometimes she doesn't. That's when I persist in rejoicing off stage with her watching in hatred. Usually we do a victory dance though. She's usually quite fast.
Intermission= Ugly dance dance off.
Big Doll House= Favorite scene of the night. Don't worry not only have I almost fallen off the bench, I've also sang part of the soloist's line, tripped of the set piece, and gotten hit in the face by a fellow council girl. Again I'm open for any ideas on what the definition of a 'Hardy Harr Hutt' could be. Again this will not be heard by the audience. So far we've gotten, skin factory, tanning salon, hot dog vendor, saloon....anything to break a fellow actor will do.
Prior to the number 'Hairspray' if you were back stage you would get to see the council kids hold hands and in a line serpentine their way to their places off stage. Where we then jump through the splits in the curtains so as not to be seen by the audience.
Those are just a few things you probably wouldn't get to enjoy if you came to show. . . But I reassure you that they all impact the awesomeness that is 'Hairspray' at Centerpoint Legacy Theatre.

Stepping out into the sea...

2011-02-15T13:03:00.006-07:00

Matt 14:24-27
"But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And in the forth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw him walking on the seas, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid."

Emphasis is added to go along with a thought that was shared with me today at Institute. 'Sometimes in life what first scares you to death will be the resolution to the problem.' -Bro. Jack Marshall.

The apostles were in a hard situation, being 'tossed with waves' and at first glance when seeing a man walking on the water their first thoughts went to fear. When it was in fact an answer to their struggles.

This hit home with me. That sometimes those things that really scare me the most are the ones that I must put my whole faith in and move forward. Christ then calls to Peter to come out of the boat and come unto him. Instead of avoiding the opportunities that at first bring fear to me, I should with more faith pray that I can have the strength to step out of the boat into the waves. I will undoubtedly get wet but, with my focus on the Savior I will not drown. I just need to have faith that by stepping on the water and focusing on Christ I will not fall... "...Lord, it it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus." With faith in the Savior we too can do miraculous things! . . . Time to step out!

Okay here are some pictures...

2011-02-08T16:40:00.005-07:00

Okay so I figured that some of you m ight be getting tired of just reading about my thoughts...for those of you who still read this out there. So I thought I'd just add a few pics to switch it up.
Below are a few pictures of the people I spend the most time with these days.

My beautiful neice Annie... She's a hoot!

My cat Spike is always around to keep me company...He doesn't do much but at least he's here to look cute.

These are my fellow 'nicest kids in town' from my current project of 'Hairpsray.' I see these girls and my other cast members more than my family. But we open this week so my time will be a bit more free. Thank goodness we have so much fun when we're together. This is our 'you don't want to mess with us' face. We may be 'the nicest kids in town' but you really don't want to make us mad.

This is a picture of my adventure last week of going to call backs for 'So You Think You Can Dance.' This is Tino, we met thrusday and are best of friends now. He's such a great dancer. I hope he gets on the show. You wont see me in the top 20 this year but I might be seen on the salt lake episode. But don't worry I'm going to keep trying for that trip to vegas.

Going to the auditions reminded me of how much I love to dance. And how important talents and hobbies are in this life. They are given to us for a reason and even if it's just for our own enjoyment we should do all we can to continue to cultivate them. So what if I'm 26 I can still work on my dancing skills and be good at it. Who says you have to stop dancing when you're...well younger than me. :) I'm so grateful for the talents the Lord has blessed me with. If nothing else to bring a smile to my face on a bad day.

Welcome Baby Cash!

2011-01-26T13:01:00.002-07:00

Also I must send a big CONGRATS to my awesome friends Meg and Colby, for welcoming baby Cash into this world yesterday! I can't wait to meet him. He couldn't have gone to better parents! Love you Meggie!

'To every thing there is a season...'

2011-01-26T12:43:00.005-07:00

'To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:'
Ecclesiastes 3:1

How many times have I heard this and not really understood it? This past Sunday this seemed to be the message I was meant to receive. A lot was also said about a talk by Pres. Dieter F. Uchdorf during the October general conference. He spoke a lot about slowing down in life and focusing on the important things. "The search for the best things inevitably leads to the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ--" How true this is. Among everything that is expected of us the things that matter most are those of eternal significance.
It seems I'm always in a state of choices. I'm starting to think this will never end. That life will always been filled with them. Sigh. :) I so badly want to do all the things that are important to me. I find that there is really not enough time in the day. When I pause and reflect on where the choices in my life have brought me, I'm truly happy. But it's interesting to see how things change. To look back on the years and see what at the time was important, and what 'season' you were in and what you needed to accomplish. Because we really can't be focused on everything and do it well. Well at least I can't.
I recognize now that there are things and opportunities placed before us depending on the 'season' of our life and it's up to us to take advantage of it. This is how I feel about this graduate degree I'm working towards. I've never thought of myself as very academic but I'm determined to do well and I'm glad that I have this time to focus on my degree and give it my all.
Pres. Uchtdorf goes on and says of keeping the basics of the gospel in our lives 'These simple, basic principles are the key to living in harmony with God and man. They are the keys to opening the windows of heaven. They lead us to the peace, joy, and understand that Heavenly Father has promised to His children who hear and obey Him." I know this to be true. As we put our Father first and do the basics we will be open to his guidance and we can know for ourselves what 'season' we are in and what His will is for us. It's truly amazing and something I'm sure I'll need reminding of at times. :)

Super Heroes and Super Powers

2011-01-19T11:03:00.004-07:00

So if you had the chance to come to my 'farewell' talk you may remember that I spoke about superheroes. If you don't remember or couldn't make it I'll summarize.
So I left a film in the summer of '09 just pumped and excited. I started to imagine myself as a super hero. Wonder Woman to be exact. :) Moving on. . . So I started seeing myself doing all these kickin awesome moves. Jump kicks to the chest of a bad guy. A sweet uppercut that knocks them flat! A lot of the moves had to do with jumping really cool and kicking really hard! But that is beside the point. I just found that I so badly wanted to fight the bad guy! To be at the point of defeat and stand up and knock them to smithereens! That's when it dawned on me, I was just about to embark on my own kind of superhero adventure to fight the bad guy. THE main bad guy. Satan.
Being a missionary I was able to solely focus on the gospel and how it could help people change their lives. I really got to see a lot of miracles and how the gospel can bring you from someone without hope, confidence, self control, peace and happiness, to someone who looks forward to each day. Someone who smiles and laughs more. Someone who takes control of their physical temptations. Someone who finally feels they have a purpose in life. It's truly amazing.
Well while being home, maybe I'm slacking, but I haven't been able to see these changes and miracles as often. I feel like I went from being a superhero to a little kid that puts a towel around their neck with a clothes pin and their underwear on the outside of their stretchy pants. A bit of a change.
So now that I've openly admitted to you how much of a nerd I am, I'll turn you to the application. Upon reflection of this fact I realized something. Super heroes aren't always faced with huge crazy bad guys with powers that can heat the earth until we all melt! Sometimes, super heroes are just there to stop a speeding car from hitting one little old lady. Or to save one little baby from a burning house.
Now I really don't view myself as this amazing awesome super hero person. But the fact of the matter is, that we truly all can be. We truly can be someones super hero for the day. To continue fighting for good. To continue to stand up for what we know is right. To do that one more thing at the end of the day when we are tired and worn out and just want to put our feet up and watch some silly program on TV! We can be someone great. All we have to do is use the gifts we're given from the Lord(aka super powers) to help those around us. Because of the restored priesthood, and the covenants we make, we are promised that the Holy Ghost can be with us always. It's just up to us to live so it can be. So that when someone really needs you, your super human hearing turns on and you're able to let a struggling family member or friend know that you love them and are there for them. Most of the time that's all we need.
". . .by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." Alma 37:6

Post post post

2011-01-10T15:55:00.003-07:00

So it turns out that when I have to make decisions I don't tend to have much to say. I get a bit pre-occupied. But finally I have a life update for ya'll.
I am starting school again! It's a bit weird the idea of being in class all over again. But I'm determined to do really well this time around. I'll be working towards a graduate degree. Never thought that would happen. But I'm very excited. If anyone has any information on financial aid I could really use the help!
I am in another play. You'll be able to see me dance and sing about in 'Hairspray' at Centerpoint Legecy Theatre in Centerville. My first show is Feb 15th and it runs till March 12th. I'm in the T/H/S cast. It's going to be great!
So with school, this play and a part time job on the way I'm going to be busy. YAHOO!!!!

Now to share something with you . . . I am not good at goals. Setting and accomplishing. I look back on my life and I haven't really had too many goals. So today I decided to read more about goals and how to accomplish things better. In the handy dandy book PMG it simply says about setting goals, "Goals reflect the desires of our hearts and our vision of what we can accomplish. Through goals and plans, our hopes are transformed into action." There is one word that really stuck out to me. VISION. There lies my problem. There are so many things I want to do in life but more often then not I just don't 'see' myself doing it. So that is going to change! I'm sure it will take some changing the way I think, which will be difficult most likely, but it's going to be worth it! Elder Ballard said "When one learns to master the principles of setting a goal, he will then be able to make a great difference int he results he attains in this life." I hope that your 'new years resolutions' or goals can be met this year! Bring it on 2011!

Crazy Christmas Time

2010-12-24T13:58:00.003-07:00

So I was thinking about how busy this time of year gets. How we all have so many places to go and so many parties to go to. Suddenly we are filled with thoughts of what to buy for those we love. How to show people we care. It can get very overwhelming. Now I'm not going to complain that we've lost the meaning of Christmas. No, what I have realized is that this is totally the meaning of Christmas. All the things we spend our time on, all the events we engage in, all have to do with those we love. I like that Christmas time is when we all tend to think of one another. Get together with old friends, try and find something for each person that has helped us get through one more year. As hectic as we make it, I think it's fun. There really is no other meaning for Christmas, than thinking of those we love most.
That iss why I'm glad we celebrate the birth of our savior this time of year. He truly gave those he loved most, the greatest gift of all. He descended below us all to come to earth and perform the greatest act. He was only thinking of us when he chose to come to earth. No longer at the right hand of our Father in Heaven where we reigns and rules the Heavens but, down here among those who regarded him as nothing, so that we could one day be with our Father again. So just as we fill this time of year with parties and events that bring us close to each other, I think of how that is just what our Savior did. He caused the event that will one day unite us eternally all together.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I hope that each of us was able to and continues to feel of the Love of our Savior, for that is the spirit of Christmas.
Love you!

Hope

2010-12-16T09:42:00.004-07:00

I realize lately how easy it is to focus on all the things that I can't do because of the situation I find myself in. I recognize how often I reflect on the things that are withheld from me instead of the things bestowed upon me. Maybe this is a time to open my mind to new things. To not get stuck on what I think is best or right but to look for opportunities to change in the direction that is intended. I feel that I've been so concerned trying to figure out all the things that I want that I quite possibly have been keeping the door shut to receiving guidance from the one who know what will bring me the most joy. For we know that 'men are that they might have joy.' As I think about the word joy, a lot of experiences come to mind. Most of them have to do with a time that I was able to see someone else experience joy. I cannot think of anything greater to behold. Each time someone was filled with joy it was directly related to them being taught about the gospel, which naturally leads one to hope. I'm reminded of the story in the book of Alma when Ammon gains the trust of kind Lamoni and has the opportunity to teach him all about the 'plan of redemption which was prepared from the foundation of the world; he also made known until them concerning the coming of Christ.' Lamoni had not heard these things before and upon learning them, he immediately turned to the Lord for forgiveness and mercy. He was so overcome with 'joy that he sunk to the earth.' He was taught there was more, better, greater things to come. He had reason now to Hope for a better live than he currently had.
"Hope is the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patient perseverance. It is believing and expecting that something will occur."(PMG pg 117) It is so easy to get caught up in the things that aren't happening, trust me I'm an expert. But I know that the Lord does not promise something he does not intend to deliver. So now I guess is time for me to just think of other things to do with my time and make the most of it and to push out those thoughts of doubt and discouragement. Because they will undoubtedly come. But I know that with 'confidence, optimism, enthusiasm and patience' we can live our lives in a way that opens our hearts and souls to joy. For that is why we are here.

Charity

2010-12-09T14:24:00.003-07:00

So once again not much to update so I thought I would share with you what I have been thinking about and read. I've been thinking a lot about charity lately and how much I lack :) just go with me here. So I was reading out of PMG (preach my gospel) in chapter 6, 'Christlike attributes.', and in there it lists what Charity is and then how to obtain it as well. In Moroni 7 we learn that we can "pray unto the Father with all energy of heart, that [we] may be filled with this love" So I read on and it says that as you do this, certain things will come. So I posed some questions to myself. Am I willing to do all these things that are natural reactions to being filled with Charity?
Am I will to . . .
1. Feel a sincere concern for the eternal welfare and happiness of other people?
2. See others as children of God with the potential of becoming like our Heavenly Father?
3. Avoid negative feelings such as anger, envy, lust, or covetousness?
4. Avoid judging others, criticizing them, or saying negative things about them?
5. Try to understand others and their points of view?
6. Be patient with others and try to them them when they are struggling or discouraged?

I'm sure there are more but this is what is listed. So I asked myself, 'when I'm praying for this gift of charity, am I taking into account what it will mean?'
One of my favorite scriptures is found in Romans 8 vs 35-38.
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, or life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

We are so lucky to have the knowledge that we do. And what great opportunity it is to live up to such wonderful expectations. I hope ya'll have a good day!

Much Love!

I'm so grateful that we have an example in our savior Jesus Christ. Where all these things are hard to do and take time and a whole lot of practise I know that through the help of the holy ghost and continually looking to Christ as an example we can become like this.

Not much to share yet

2010-11-29T10:44:00.004-07:00

So I don't have any new news yet. . . I've been interviewing and stuff but no jobs yet. A lot of things are up in the air. It's very annoying. But I'm way happy for it to be the holidays. It's so much more fun with snow all around.
I got to go to the game on Saturday! I really thought that the Y had it. OH man that was so much fun. Not so much fun to watch the Utes play like crap. But 10-2 is pretty dang good. I was begining to think I was bad luck. . . You can imagine my relief when I realized I wasn't.

On Thanksgiving I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the people in my life. I have realized how blessed I am to have so many wonderful people in my life. I am so grateful for my family. And also to be surrounded by so many woderful friends. I miss my 'family' in Texas so much but it's been wonderful to be home and see how loved I am here as well. I'm most grateful for family and friends this year. There are very few things that will last beyond the veil. Our relationship with others is truly what pulls us through life, and also what I believe is most important to our Father and Savior. " . . . the second is like unto it. To love they neighbor as thyself." I'm convinced that we all love christmas time so much because the spirit of our Savior is more abundant. I pray that we may all have a safe and wonderful holiday season and always show love to our brothers and sisters.

Making the most of our time

2010-11-02T13:16:00.003-06:00

So I've been thinking a lot lately about this life and now what I get to do with it. There are so many unknowns. And each day we are faced with things that we must do. 1. go to work 2. do the dishes, 3. take out the garbage 4. buy food 5. make food 6. clean the house . . . the list goes on. Each day we must get things done. But what happened to the list that matters?
a. make someone smile. b. enjoy the beauty around us c. find one more thing you can do to make someone else's life that much easier d. prayer . . . This list is eternal. Because the fruits of this list are those that will last forever.
This is what has been most difficult about being home. I miss only having to worry about the second set of 'things to get done today' and as the first list is important and must be accomplished, oh how I long for the day when we get to 'rest from all our troubles and all our cares' and be in the presence of our Father and Savior once more.
As you can see my postings are a bit different than before, but these are the things that are on my mind. And even though it has been a rough transition for me I hope never to lose sight of the things that really matter from day to day.
I hope you all have a great day today and if it's not a good day, do something to make it so. (something for someone else almost always does the trick.)

Things I've learned.

2010-10-28T09:46:00.006-06:00

So until I have more news to share I thought that I would share with you some things I've learned and share stories from my past many months of my life.

So I'll take you back to the begining of my mission. I'll be honest. I didn't really want to be there. Each day was a struggle having the desire to do the work. I kept thinking of all the things I could be doing and the things I was missing out on. I was thinking all about what I wanted. Pretty selfish I know. This obviously led to me feeling completely guilty that I wasn't wanting to be there doing the Lords work. I so badly wanted to give up and come home. I knew that no one would judge me or think less of me. But what I knew more is that I didn't want to be THAT person. I wanted to be someone that could do hard things. Someone that would do what was expected and do it well. I found strength through the scriptures and prayer.

One of my favorite example of doing hard things and faith is in the Book of Mormon, following the Prophet Alma. In Alma 8, Alma finds himself in the city of Ammonihah where "Alma labored much in the spirit, wrestlng with God in mighty prayer, that he would pour out his Spirit upon the people who were in the city; that he would also grant that he might baptize them unto repentance." The response was the people withstood 'all his words, and reviled him, and spit upon him, and caused that he should be cast out of their city . . .' so Alma left and while leaving this city he was 'being weighed down with sorrow, wading through much tibulation and anguish of soul. . . it came to pass while Alam was thus weighed down with sorrow, behold an angel of the Lord appeared unto him, saying: Blessed art thou, Alma; therefore lift up thy head and rejoice, for thou hast great cause to rejoice; for thou hast been faithful in keeping the commandments of God . . . Behold I am sent to command thee that thou return to the city of Ammonihah and preach again unto the people of the city. . "

Okay I don't know about you but I sure as heck wouldn't want to go back to a place that I had been rejected and spit upon. I saw a lot of rejection in TX and there was never a time when I was rejected by someone that I ever would think to go back and try again. However here is where Alma's strength and faith are exemplified Alma 8:18 ". . . that after Alma had received his message from the angel of the Lord he returned speedily to the land of Ammonihah. And he entered the city by another way. . ." He returned speedily! What faith! For crying out loud. I think I would question and doubt and definitly not go speedily. This would be so hard and Alma just did it. In vs 20 we see how merciful the Lord is. Alma comes to a man and asks him for food. He is receieved by Amulek, a worthy man that the Lord had prepared to recieve his servant. Alma had NO idea that he would find safety in the walls of the city. He did not know that the Lord had prepared Amulek to not only take him in but become his greatest companion in the gospel.

I know that if we face those things that seem impossible with faith in the Lord he will prepare a way for us to be provided for. I know that the Lord only asks us to do things for our benefit. I did not want to be serving a mission at first, but once I gave up myself and submited to the Lord I began to thank him each day for the opportunity to serve him. We can serve him each day. By being a living example of him. Sometimes it may be hard to be like him, but I know he can help us do it.

Pres. Uchtdorf said "Try and keep trying until that which seems difficult becomes possile and that which seems only possible becomes habit and a real part of you."

I share these things in the name of our savior, Jesus Christ.

Home again Home again

2010-10-08T15:25:00.000-06:00

Well I think most people know that I'm home. But I just thought that I would say Hi to ya'll. I'll be better at putting something fun up here. This is just a quick hi and welcome back to my blog. I'll share thoughts and things that I learned. But first I have to get my room organized. Turns out that you can life off a lot in a year and half and you come home with a bunch of junk!
But look for more to come from me!

Love to you all.

Address

2009-07-13T10:52:00.002-06:00

Here are my addresses. . . I'm only in the MTC for 3 weeks so until the first week of August this is my address. . .

Texas Dallas Mission
Provo MTC
2005 N. 900 E.
Provo UT 84604

THe rest of the time you can get me things by sending them to the Mission home.

Texas Dallas Mission
13747 Montfort Dr. Ste 120
Dallas, TX 75240-4454

I'd love to hear from you all! This will stay up for 18 months so if you lose it. . .

Well I guess farewell for a bit! I wish you all the best! I love you all!! Thanks for everything!

Texas. . . Here I come!!

'Farewell'

2009-07-09T16:14:00.003-06:00

My 'farewell' is this Sunday at my student ward (1928 South Campus Dr.) at 2:45. It's pretty easy but google it so you know which church it is. . . Also my mom is doing a party/get together on SATURDAY the 11th starting at 5:00 at my parents house. I'd love to see everyone at both or one. Just enough to give you a hug and say 'see you later'. :)

Things I'll miss. . . .

2009-07-01T21:28:00.005-06:00

Since I'm only two weeks out I'm starting to think of all the things I'm going to miss. . . . This is only a short list and in no real order. . . .
First the things not pictured. . .
My Cabin!! It's my escape from life.
The Mountains! I love Utah, and I am determined to be more outdoors-y when I get home.
Movies!!! I'm already looking forward to watching some when I get home!!!! ie 'Alice in Wonderland'
My personal space. :)
Working with my Uncle.

Traveling! Even if it's a small road trip! Going on trips with your friends always proves to be a good time!

My kitty!! He's soooo much bigger now! Not fat, just bigger. But I love him!

Performing! I really miss the theatre! I plan on doing a whole lot more of it when I get home! I've met some of the coolest people by being involved in shows.

I hate to miss out on that!

But there will be more

plays when I get home.

I'm going to miss just being around with my friends! That's everyone! It's just bizzar to think that so much could be different when I get back. I already know I'm missing three weddings of people I love dearly! Catching up on all the blogs is going to take some time! :)

I'm really really really going to miss the Salt Lake Temple. . . I'm all about the live sessions. I've been to the other temples in the valley but I just can't stay away from Salt Lake! It's my favorite place on the planet!

This fullfills two! My mom and dad. It's been nice being back home these last few months. I wouldn't get to see my parents otherwise. They are truly amazing people. . . I don't want to say goodbye to them. . . Then of course FOOTBALL!! I'm such a dork to not have timed this better. Two football seasons?! What was I thinking?! No I'm just kidding. . . well only a little. Luckily I have awesome friends to keep me posted! (thanks Brynn!! I love you already!)

Probably most of all. . . This one! I hate hate hate that I don't get to see her grow up. Not being here to watch her grow up, and smile, and laugh with me makes me not want to go. She'll be TWO when I get home. Now I know you don't have memories from before that. . . but she wont know me when I get back.

More will probably come to mind but this has been on my mind lately. . . However, even with a list that long I have no doubt that I can do this. And that there is no way I'd be doing it if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints wasn't the true church. The Lord has blessed me far and above anything I could have asked for. I'm prepared to give him 18 months of my life.

ONE MONTH!

2009-06-15T09:40:00.003-06:00

So I have one month!! One!! I'm getting really excited. . . It's kind of a bizzare thing to imagine just stepping out of life for 18 months. But I am very excited to work hard and serve the people the best I can.
So with one month left I'm realizing I don't have much time. . . What should I do with my time? What would you do? Remember. . .I don't have much money! :)

Also, I need to sell my car. It's an '05 Toyota Carolla. It has 52,000 miles on it. It's red. It's a great car! I bought it from the Church so the only owners have been missionaries, which they take care of cars because they have to, and me! She gets about 28 miles per gallon. . . So if you know anyone let me know or have them contact me! Thanks!